back from dinner. yesterday's QT was on spending more time with God, so i decided to do just that during my after-dinner walk round e neighbourhood. and i realized how true it can be when pple say that 'new' pple can have so much enthusiasm and fervor, and that the 'old', 'mature' and 'steady', on the contrary, can lose heart and waver sometimes. i guess that's inevitable, human nature makes the things we do everyday routine and part-and-parcel sort of thing. can't say i'm not guilty of this either. in fact, it has happened so many a time this year it kind of scares me. the feeling that effort doesn't seem to count, that no one really cares gets to me, and then a hint of doubt seems to set in, and then qns i know i shldn't even be thinking abt comes to mind... but i must say i've been shown in a scary but extremely real way never to doubt, or if that has happened already, not to let the thought linger. i'm kind of reminded bout what was said during a sermon a long long time ago, bout how it's so easy give thanks and believe when things are going well, when there is success, and so easy to blame, doubt, complain when things are not going well. and the conclusion to that almost inevitable sentiments is to rmb that it is in those down times that i have to count and rmb what i was thankful for previously, and not be blinded by the present circumstances. not exactly to live in your previous achievements/successes, but to mayb to think instead that we won't know happiness if we didn't know sadness. that trying must have preceded that moment of joy..
anw, sang this song at mcf a few weeks ago, and thought it was really meaningful:
I thank you , Lord,
for the trials that come my way
in that way i can grow each day,
as i let you lead
and i thank you Lord
for the patience those trials bring
in that process of growing
i can learn to care.
but it goes against the way
i am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do.
'cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored
i thank you, Lord,
with each trial i feel inside
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.
i thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
in surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
and i thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front i can see your face,
and it's there you belong.
oh no, realized i'm personalizing this place a bit too much, sorry folks!
and after all that ranting, it's clear i still didn't feel like studying :P
shall go and make a better attempt
exams are in a couple of weeks time, so i shld be mugging. but can't seem to get down to it. think it hasn't sunk in yet, hopefully it doesn't sink in only after i get the results, that's really a bit late... but to all those out there busy mugging, ouou, deb, oeh and yinggggg, jiayou! you'll be done real soon and will have the whole dec to play...
nothing spectacular has happened over the pass few weeks. sch went on as usual, it's become rather routine already. still amazes me how a week just goes by. like friday's usual a complete 'play day' for me cos i'll go out with my grandma during the long break before prac, then when i come home after prac in the evening, i don't really feel like doing much cos it's friday. e weekend, needless to say, is just 48 hrs, which always gives me the impression it's v short. mission trip meetings on sat afternoon, dinner at my grandma's place at night, church at midday on sunday.. and then so soon, it's sunday night.. lol.. then monday, tues and wed pass rather quickly, usually spent rushing tutorial. and that makes it midweek and thurs and fri come in no time..
so the days just going by like that makes things seem pretty meaningless right. it's almost like just waiting for time to pass! there were 2 out-of-curriculum talks, which i think were a ton more meaningful than all those silly drugs and enzymes we have to learn. one was on being a dr in general, and the other on listening. learnt that i've got quite a lot to learn in terms of being a gd listener.. haha.. learnt from the other talk that i shld go find a hobby, life isn't just bout sch and studying (tho ironically i don't seem to get much studying done and time just goes by).. contemplating learning flying again next year, tho it's super costly, think e whole course will come up to 20-30k.. so...
was feeling kind of sian after prac today, and then i found pea's email when i went home, and somehow it quite relevant, thanks babe! it was an inspiring read..haha
gtg for dinner now.. happy mugging to the rest!
