empty words
harlow everybody! sorry i'm gonna start complaining here again!i'm irritated, disappointed, angry.. i dunno wad else.. had comp today, 2nd of e 4 games in e preliminary round. we lost e first one, basically meaning that we can't afford to lose anymore if we wanna go to e next round.. we won today, so i shld b happy.. but i think i can selfishly say for now that i really may not mind if we don't get into e next round. it'll save me a lot of time which i can spend wif frens or mugging, a lot of mental strength that i'm def in need of to concentrate whenever i do study..
well, i think nothing upset me more today then e fact dat i didn't get to play.. usually i wouldn't have minded, after all, u shld all know i'm kind of used to dat situation after nationals. but i thot things wld be different here, e team isn't so "star-player"-based here.. mayb it was some sort of punishment for e mistakes i made in e previous game, stupid things like letting e ball slip thru my fingers once, seriously, i didn't ask for sweaty hands.. ok, but dat's besides e problem. so i told myself, e whole of today, even while trying really hard to concentrate on studying during e afternoon, that today, i won't screw up, i'll contribute to e score, i'll prove wateva little i may stand for. but u didn't even give me a freaking chance. on top of that, i rmbered u said before e start of season that "we have to have discipline cos we're under a uniform organization, so if anyone is late, no matter how impt e match is, even if u're e star player, u won't get to play that match." at first, i was impressed, i thot it was hard for a coach expected to produce results to say something so morally correct, so justified, something so hard to put into actions. but i'm no longer impressed, they were merely i string of words. so anyway i made an effort to be on time, others were late, u let em play. seriously, i'm fine wif that, i'm happy that the late pple got to play, i'm not selfish and sadistic to dat extent, to wish to c pple being punished. but for e effort i put in, u didn't even let me play 1 sec, not even when we're leading, not even 1 sec in e last quater when i couldn't have done that much harm.
and as i was saying, it's not dat not being able to play is something new to me. but it's really e context. i wanted to make sure this whole comp wasn't going to b a waste of my time, so when u were asking us to sign up, i conveniently made an excuse, saying i may be at camp during some duration of e comp, and that mayb shld give e place to someone who cld commit more. mayb i was playing hard-to-get, but i needed some assurance too that i won't just be some bench warmer. so u replied "no. i want u to be in, k?" trust me, dat msg is still in my old hp, to motivate me to go for 3 times a week training.. but now i really don't see e point. i don't really think u meant it in e first place, it was just sweet talk. so now, i feel like a fool, to have wasted my time going down today, for rushing like mad to get to training even when there was only 20 min left yesterday cos SAT ended late. give me a reason to turn up for training tmr nite!
i was attitude after e match, walked off without saying a word after debrief, just felt like being rebelious.
i'm way behind time for strating work tonite, but just wanted to get this out of my head.. hopefully i'll b able to concentrate on wat i'm reading later. thanks for putting up wif this nonsense.
charl
posted by the best friends for life.. @ 10:45 PM
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