lost and found...
ello everyone!!! am so glad that there are so many new responses... i am kinda bored now... haha... and i m home alone with my sis now... it's so conincidental that tyz and my parents are away ard the same time though her parents are returning earlier... haha and yeah my relatives like my god mother and aunt are calling my handphone to check on me... i feel so cared for even though my parents are not with me... so yeah i am very touched! anyway, i think these 10 days are good training for me to be independent... it's time i learnt how to get used to being alone with myself... and doing stuff myself instead of always relying on people esp my mum to get things done like breakfast and dinner... at least i will know how it wld b like if i grow up... i always used to think that i will buy a hse and leave all by myself even before marriage... and mayb with a close friends (u all)... haha... cox hk serials always illustrate these scenarios... but it's just a cool thing i thought i wld do at that point in time when i grow up! sorry if i am digressing...heats was a superb experience though i didn't perform fantastically well! still, i treasure this (to me) once in a life-time opportunity to run with my classmates and for my class...
i came hm at ard 10 cox went for my sch's concert... yeah i think it's really reflects very badly on someone who stood the other party up! it's so irresponsible! i wld definitely be very angry esp since the reason she gave was rather lousy and unconvincing from my point of view... but it's no use getting angry at her... cox i think she wldn't even care in the first place since she decided to forgo the concert... yeah so jus don care bout her already! i am just glad that my jc friends are rather trustworthy... though i think there's sth bout them which i really dislike... they are timid as in they do not dare to voice their opinions openly and it's irritating at times... i jus lose my patience with them (i get impatient that's all)! though i feel guilty thereafter... perhaps it's their character and the environment which they have been immersed in... it's like they have doubts but they are afraid of asking the teachers... and they like to do things together... like wat everyone does is standardised... e.g no 1 else will eat other stuff for lunch if they decide on a particular dish... i get quite pissed at them! no one breaks free... and i am tired of sticking to them at times! cox i have my own ideas and preferences... i dunno... mayb it's only me... but i know i shld just do what i want without bothering about them too much cox ultimately it's my life and i hav the right to do wat i want with it! and yeah we don really share common interests... so sometimes i don really hav much stuff to talk to them about... it's mostly mundane everyday stuff... last time i was really unhappy cox i cldn't accept them... i just feel that they are not the kind of friends i wld want... (sorry for being mean here) but i guess gradually, i've gotten used to the way of life... with them around... though i agree with deb, i sometimes very much prefer to be alone and yet, at the same time worry if i look weird to others if i am alone and not with any friends... (i noe i shldn't care too much bout the way how others [esp people whom i dunno] view me but i can't help it at times...) though i am slowly forcing myself to spend time alone with myself or rather people who share my common interests and concerns despite being in diff classes (my gp mates and one interact friend)... sometimes, i wished that i was in their class cox they are all in the same class but at the same time, i tell myself to stop thinking about such impossible stuff cox it will only make me feel worse... but yeahh time is really the best medicine! it makes me feel indifferent and immune... overall, they are nice people but with some flaws here and there...
nevertheless, am utmost grateful that u all are there for me! as the blog title suggests... u all are my best friends for life! :)
another point is that i dunno why... but i jus can't help but find myself becoming increasingly selfish esp this year... i don offer my help as readily because i am afraid... not exactly sure what i am worried about... but jus this feeling of uneasiness but then again, i feel guilty for not helping... ultimate irony issn't it? and i jus block out as much of that guilt as possible by finding excuses for myself... i am not sure if that's the correct way i shld do it... similar to tyz's predicament , things i do are becoming more and more solely for myself... i only care about what happens to me... simply put, i can't b bothered about others these days! i find this very worrying cox i definitely don wan to grow up being such a person but i feel that with every passing day, i am... is this what growing up at this detached place called jc does to u? i dunno and i am not sure when i can find these answers that i need... i really wished that at this point in time, things were as simple as they used to be and i was the same old si ying i felt i was...
okie my eyes are closing and i shld b going off to bed... this is a LONG entry! how do we change the font? hehe... there used to be this heading availabe at the posting page where we can change the font freely right?
to deb and pee budd: enjoy ur chalet! :)
to oeh and kwa: enjoy ur weekend! :)
oh ya... one more thing, will u all be free to come to my sch's funtasia (funfair) on 20 may (sat) frm 10.30am - 5pm... it's free and easy jus pop in anytime... though i will b in sch early to prepare for college day concert... it's in the morning this year... then yeah kwa's going for hc dance concert at night... so mayb we can all go together... cox oeh and i don mind going for the concert... but i know deb and tyz having their gp common test on the next coming wed (really soon) so it mite not be such a feasible idea... anyway, jus respond on the tagboard or sth k! any response is fine... cya guys soon! :)
love love,
*bin
posted by the best friends for life.. @ 12:36 AM
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