the best friends for life

i wonder... can a caged bird truly be happy??

2011-04-15T00:56:00.001+08:00

2010-09-26T22:38:00.002+08:00

have lots more to study, don't i always do, but clearly i'm not studying right now. don't quite feel like it, even tho' it's just the beginning of the week!!! sigh, i'm growing old, running out of stamina a little too quickly :P

hobbies and interests are an important aspect of life i realize. gives you something to look forward to, some variation and diversity in the day, something to break the monotony. friends are even more important, they help colour your life, they listen you out, get in touch with your feelings, they help you see beyond your own world and thoughts which you tend to dive deeper and deeper into when alone..

"There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still..."

the ties that bind

2010-04-13T00:54:00.002+08:00

current situations have got me thinking of what binds people together... some ideas and images came to mind

it could be... cement, nails and screws (fresh from ortho ot), sutures (surg!), the ~ (proportional sign) in mathematics, the associations in COFM, the similes in literature...

it could be... proximity, school, work, common upbringing, common interests, common experiences, shared experiences, values, faith, compassion, inexplicable affection, genetics, blood

or it could be... moments of trials, a common hope for something in the future, a belief in destiny (or a divine plan)

the intricacies of human relationships are perplexing

the analytical mind

2010-04-08T23:40:00.002+08:00

i'm surprised i'm back here so soon! guess i really don't feel like doing more studying after such a long day at hospital, even tho it doesn't really count cos it wasn't a very productive day. good enough i suppose...

it's curious how all the science subjects i've taken since pri sch has nurtured such an analytical mind in me. in science, we consider things in factors. many factors can contribute to something, many factors can affect the outcome of something. this is clearly illustrated in science experiements. we learn about all the factors that can affect something, aka the variables, and that we try to keep all of them constant except one, so that a fair comparison can be made. sadly, this almost intuitive science-oriented thinking is not so useful in life. people can be put in the same situation, yet by a stroke of luck or unluck, have very different outcomes. people can put in the same amount of effort, yet by a stroke of luck or unluck, one's efforts pay off more than anothers. pple can give up everything yet not succeed while others do. Lives shouldn't be compared, so the inevitably analytical mind only creates misery and discontent in doing so. yet i may say that this is human nature? one that others have a greater tendency towards despite knowing how incorrect and detrimental going down such a line of thought is. as what i learnt from watching 'don't worry be happy' on channel 8 almost a decade ago, 'ren2 bi3 ren2 hui4 qi4 si3 ren2' translated literally to 'comparing will just make you fed up'. Indeed, the bible has never promised that life would be fair and i'm the last person who should be complaining cos i've been so richly blessed and protected by God these 21 years of my life; scripture teaches us to be content in every situation, for God will meet our every need, He will provide for us abundantly, and His grace is sufficient for us to meet every challenge and task we may face in the days to come!

He Knows My Name

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

2010-03-02T00:37:00.002+08:00

haven't blogged in ages, it's been more than a year since i've written something here, i've almost forgotten what to write or how to write in a blog. not even sure what prompted me to come back here, maybe it's cos i suddenly feel so free and liberated i'm trying to think of all sorts of things to do, random as they may be. such a delight to be able to do absolutely anything i feel like doing, no matter how unimportant, without feeling guilty that i ought to be studying, or that the things that i'm reading may displace whatever info is supposed to be in my head.

just done with year 3 exams, and just past midpoint of med school. i'm still clueless bout what i want to do after graduating. not a very good state to be in with the R programme that the authorities seem quite keen on implementing.

can't really think of anything very remarkable to mention about the year that has passed, between now and the previous post. or maybe life is beautiful just by appreciating and reflecting on the ordinary too!

i suppose in the ordinary day for me, life revolves around studies and friends, tho honestly (and with much sadness and regret), i think the former predominates. I'd like to spend more time with my ny friends, keep up with the card making or at least card buying. sometimes i wonder whether an upcoming exam is a good enough reason to delay or even not make a card. i don't think it is, friends shouldn't be friends out of convenience right? but yet, when i'm so tight for time with my inefficient studying and all that, priorities get blurred:( in any case, thanks deb, tyz, oeh and yingg for organizing meet ups and keeping in touch despite the little i have been able to give to you girls.. i'd like to be there for each of you if you ever need someone to turn to too! then there's the japan-group. really enjoy meeting up with you all during our japan trip outings. it's wonderful to have a meal or hang around somewhere with you all, and add more memories to the 14 days we created during the japan trip. between these meals, it's nice to catch up with each of you in person too, to share our studying woes or simply what's been happening in our lives. i'm so glad we went on the trip together and forged such strong friendships during the trip, it'll always be one of my fondest memories of med school:)

i've also been travelling a bit. between the last post and now, God had blessed me with holidays to phuket, sydney, macau, kl, and darwin. i guess travelling is one of my fav hobbies, albeit a rather expensive one:P but i think the sights that i see, the new places, the town, the people, the hotels, the whole experience is invaluable. it's like a memory that belongs to you, that no one will ever be able to snatch away from you, and that you can always look back on, as often as you want to, and relive the place all over again in your mind's eye.

don't know what else to ramble about, or rather, there are too many things... about my faith, love, family, friendships, working/school relationships, personal traits and perspectives, priorities... will write again in due time, hopefully it won't be another year!

For where your treasure is, there you heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)

2009-02-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

at this point of time, i'm surprised at why i'm even blogging. i've got a never ending pile of work to revise, i think i've almost come to accept that i'd never finish it. maybe that's why i'm here.

my mind's been in such a blur these few days, it seems like i can barely concentrate, and i thought i was one with quite strong mental discipline. well, it comes to a point where not even the next word is going to go in that i decided to do my QT a little earlier than routine, and true and faithful as God has been the past week, He has indeed shown that he knows my every thought.

I don't have the habit of putting such blatant testimonies on this supposedly shared blog, but i guess this is just one of those times that i felt i just have to. something like how the hillsong lyrics

"so blessed, i cant contain it, so much i've got to give it away, your love has taught me to live now, you are more than enough for me".

bet i sound like i've got bipolar disorder already, first saying that my minds in a complete mumble jumble non-study mode. next saying that i'm blessed. well, i really don't have much time to tell long stories here, but in summary, yesterday, during cell group, we were sharing about our goals for 2009, and the past week's devotions. and i mentioned that so far, God has been very gracious to me, that in the approx 10min i leave for QT at the end of the day, He has always spokent to me, somehow alayed my fears and concerns for the events of that day, given me a amazingly relevant passage to always bring me back to Him in all that happens in life. Last week, there was a reading on self confidence, just on a day when i was wondering what i was actually capapble of, what i doing in med sch etc. there were other relevant ones too.

so today, when i simply cldn't study anymore, my mind abounding with worries (i'm typically worry-wart:() about finishing studying, abt health, abt so many other things, i deicded to just go do my QT first. and true enough, today's reading was the often-used 'do not worry' passage from matthew (check the online Upper Room if you're curious:) ). and upon reading, i suddenly seemed crystal clear why i was prompted to go do QT instead of trying to sit at my table and stuff in more info through blurry eyes.

indeed, as the Thought of the Day in today's reading wrote,

"When we trust God, there is less room in us for worry."

ok, i've no idea whether i'm coherent, probably not cos i left out so many parts of the story. but i've really got to get back to my notes, at least with my mind at peace. Indeed He walks with me, all the time:)

a little break

2008-11-08T09:13:00.003+08:00

just done with about slightly more than half of the first CAs.. somehow this bout of CAs seemed exceptionally trying, despite it being mostly MCQs, which does not necessarily equate to them being easier, just that the sense that everything's on the paper and it's just a matter of choosing is slightly comforting to me when i study :P studied in the lib quite a bit for this round of CAs, and it's def more fun studying with friends, trying to recall strange names of unfamiliar drugs over lunch, having them explain concepts that no matter how much i stare at the ppt slide i still don't get, and having them listen to all the whining about nothing going in. thanks to both of you, hope i didn't decrease your productivity too much :P in terms of the effectiveness of studying outside, i guess the results of this CA will tell, tho i know it won't be too accurate a gauge cos my carelessness came into play BIG TIME this CA :( sigh.. guess i shall just have to trust God with the results.

on the note of studying in the library, i'm extremely surprised at how many pple have told my sis that they see someone like her in the library everyday, but reading medicine textbooks! when my sis first told me, i found that particular friend's observation pretty freaky, cos i doubt we even look similar at all! then a couple of weeks later, another friend tells my sis the same thing.. looks like things look very different from an outsider's perspective!

got 2 weeks before the next test, so i decided to give myself the weekend off :) nice to have a breather, but also strange to have a break this short. can't really do everything i want to do, maybe i'll just go out a bit, can't believe i haven't been to town for so long i didn't know the christmas decoration and lights were up.. and then i can imagine how hard it'll be to try to sit down and study again just when i got into the swing of relaxing..lol

to the rest who's exams are coming, jiayou! deb and yingggg, i'm sure you both can do it, ultimately hardworking pple, i'm sure it'll pay off. to xiaogui, smarty pants :P don't need to worry at all! and ouou, see you in the lib everyday, even sunday! sure u've gone over your material for the 100th time you've got it all at the tip of your fingers. all the best dears!

Blessed :)

2008-09-07T21:38:00.009+08:00

sch's been going on for 4 weeks already, and i've already accumulated much catching up to do already..lol.. but then again, what's new :P

went out a lot the past week (which prob explains the prev point), and it was really enjoyable.. being able to meet up with friends and talk about anything under the sun.. really blessed to have so many wonderful pple in my life :) not really in the habit of putting photos up (hope e pple in the photo don't mind, but if u do just let me know), but don't have much time left to do too much narration, so i guess it'll have to do this time..
a surprise visit on tues, this group of friends never fail to amuse me with their creative ways

friends who i know will always be there, indeed they've been for at least 6 years!

extremely nice pple who make e long days of med sch bearable and are always there to listen

met Ju cos she made very yummy chocolate banana nut cake, but i forgot to take a pic with her :( so i've got her delicious cake here instead (sorry, can't figure out how to flip the photo :P)

the best for the last, dinner and cake with my family :)

(little did i expect i'd take so long to put photos up!! not again for a long time to come :P)

i must say the new acad year hasn't been a bed of roses, there have been times when i'm so confused bout certain decisions, wishing i had more discipline to do more studying, yet wanting to spend time with family and friends. but this week has certainly been great. by God's grace a prayer has been answered, and i indulged in many priceless moments with friends and family, making me realize how very blessed i am. thanks to everyone who made this week so special!

2008-07-22T18:28:00.002+08:00

only a couple of weeks left of this 3 month break that i was so eagerly anticipating, not that sch's all that bad, just that the feeling of freedom to do anything and everything is so wonderful. and altho i say with a tinge of sadness how there's so little of this holiday left, i can also say that i don't regret one bit of how i spent the past 3 months.
first was my trip to sweden and norway to visit my sis. had an easy time on that trip cos my sister was so familiar with the place she just brought us around everywhere, told us how to go to places, how to take the trains and buses and the most economical way to do so. it was really a sit back and relax sort of trip, which was quite therapeutic after the intensive studying for pros. and the scenery in norway is remarkable. altho it was approaching summer, i managed to catch the 'winter wonderland' scenery in norway when we took the train up to quite a high altitude. i think at that altitude, they have the winterwonder land scenery all year round :P it's really pretty, to look out of the train and see a blanket of white, glistening in the sun! apart from the scenery, it's also nice to see a new place and it's people, and although i won't say they're society is a far cry from over here, the culture is still different. for one thing, there are many many many prams there all over the place. also, the bring-your-own-bag idea is very prevalent there, so we always have a few huge plastic bags in our backpacks when we go out, in case we decide to do grocery shopping on the way home.

then was japan! even almost 2 months after the trip, the excitement of the trip has not worn off and the many experiences still come back so fresh in my mind. too much to write about japan over here, and i'm still working on my scrapbook, yes, almost 2 months already. i'm sure i'll complete it in due time. anw, this was the first long trip i went with friends, and which involved quite a lot of intercity travelling. at the end of the trip, all that i can say is that every moment, be it sitting on the train for hours, lugging our bags on the streets, cycling ard, shopping, themeparks, playing cards, unintentionally doing a nature trail, were all very special in their own ways. and of course, i'm most thankful to have gone with the people i went with. got to know these few people from my og much better, and we'll always have these common memories and experiences to laugh and talk about in the years to come. really blessed to have found this group of friend in medicine :)

then there were the camps! 2 camps and 1 precamp in 2 consecutive weeks (e precamp overlapping with 1 of the camps). i thought initially that i did regret making this commitment, but through it all, i'd say that sometimes a step out of my comfort zone provides good exposure and taught me a few things. so there shld be no regrets... things did get slightly trying with so many activities on and decisions to make (commitment/responsibility vs enjoyment), but i guess with things going so well since the hols began, this incident did remind me once again on my dependence on God. so after e first camp, i was quite tired already, almost half expected to fall sick, really glad i didn't. 2nd camp was fun, made many new friends and got to know a few og mates better too! thanks to all those who helped me and cared for me when things weren't going well for me, i'm really touched.

guess i managed to have a decent break after all the camps, tho i've been kept busy with planning the cip lately. i've learnt and felt a lot just from planning this cip, maybe i'll write about it some other time. in the mean time, i just hope the event itself goes well :)

apart from all these more major events, there have been the little pleasures in life that i can afford a bit more of during the hols. like gyming and finding good affordable food with eli, baking with the japan group and some others from the og, shopping outings with pea, gatherings/stayover with my ny friends (e most constant group of pple thru all seasons of my life :)), going for lunches with family and my grandparents, scrapbooking, meeting up with those studying overseas and many more things.

there's much to be thankful for this hols...

2008-06-17T22:37:00.002+08:00

i've been planning a cip with a home that has residents with mental problems, but for a long time i wasn't able to grasp exactly what kind of illness this is about. i thought about the issue very logically, isn't everyone in control of their thoughts or actions all the time? but as usual, i find my answers in a way that always seems so personal sometimes i'd be happier not finding out.

was awoken 'early' this morning by a mini crisis. to cut a long story short, something was amiss and the conclusion of the story is that the helper had to go back to the agent. a simple conclusion which somehow evoked the most saddening and miserable and rotten feeling i've ever felt in such a long time. it seemed to me such an emotionally and psychologically cruel thing to do, to get someone to pack up and leave with no notice at all, as if expecting that person to uproot from the present life just like that, just when she was getting through the settling-in phase. and then i think about how all these helpers usually spend the first few months of their pay paying back agent fees and what not and only start to earn their keep much later, and that makes me feel even sadder. i do admit there are many things we do not see eye to eye, that we just cannot seem to comprehend. but everyone is a little eccentric in their own way, maybe just some more than others... i guess if we can't tolerate someone's quirks, then separation will eventually be inevitable, just that in this case, it was the process of separation, and the catalyst of it, that bothers and saddens me. what looked like an apparent dishonest act was later claimed to be done in our interest. personally, i'd take the story, there were easily dozens of earlier opportunities to be dishonest and with easily a bigger loot, just that this incident was all too random that it tipped the balance formed on a meager amount of trust just a little too much, it was the straw that broke the camels back and resulted in this outcome. so to me, the extremely saddening part is that the event, which could have been done in our interest, albeit in a rather wrong and unacceptable manner, is what caused the impromptu decision this morning. and the even worst part is that up to the end, she may not even understand all this cause she may still think that what happened was for us, and we'd really be the bad guys in this case. although not a a 100percent parallel, i'm guessing this is often the case with patients with mental illnesses. their intentions are misunderstood, not because of a miscommunication, but because they just think differently, because their reasoning we simply cannot comprehend. and what were initially pure intentions, executed not in the sociably acceptable manner because of their different thinking, causes so much unhappiness. and yet they cannot understand why people around are unhappy.

upon reflection, i dont really think it was anyone's fault the way things turned out, just that she got the worse of the deal. and the manner in which things were done were personally painful to witness. she is after all, a good worker and i'd like to believe, to the very end an honest person. it's just that somehow other qualities which should be lower down the list of priorities seem to stand out more.. someone paralleled it to another person beating you to a promotion even tho your work is good, and i guess that's the cruelty of this world, or reality.

strangely, everyone at home didn't seem as affected as i am. couldn't figure out why this whole incident bothered me so much, i just seemed to empathize too much with her plight, everything she's been through to settle down and now the sudden-ess of this drastic change. i realized that in contrast to how strong i can be bout my own fears or difficulties or struggles, these situations i see others go through can really affect me a lot, that these things can move me to tears which i refuse to reveal infront of others (and somehow have the ability to channel to other orifices until i'm away from everyone i know). sigh, this hard on the outside, soft on the inside trait reminds me so much of a macaroon :P and upon further thought, maybe that's why i ended up choosing to do medicine in the end. all along, i thought i could think very logically and detach my emotions from most issues and decisions, but maybe that's not true after all. and maybe and hopefully this is what's going to make me a good professional next time.. a macaroon.. hard on the outside, but ultimately still with an inevitable inclination to emphatize with the plight of others.

2008-04-30T23:43:00.002+08:00

i'm actually done with year 1 in uni, or at least i'm hoping and praying so. hardly feel like i'm 1/5 a qualified professional tho. lol.. it seemed not long ago that there was all the hype and excitement bout starting uni and entering a new course and mayb a new phase of life, and now we're actually planning orientation camp and what not for the new year 1s, juniors asking bout interview experience etc. and despite how this academic yr seemed to have passed so quickly, i think i took the whole year to get used to this new routine and lifestyle and environment. looking back, i might have spent a greater time of the year in a blur, confused and trying to sort a lot of things out for myself. for one thing, i never thot things of the past wld have such a great impact, but after all of it, i guess i can say that what can't break you can only make you stronger (with God's help too :)) experiences and memories can't really be forgotten, but at least i cld say that time does heal and if you try hard enough, it is possible to make some things fade with time...

coincidentally, as i type this entry, kevin kern's 'sundial dreams' is playing on my playlist. deb sent me the song long ago, one of her fav one's i think, it's such a song for reminiscing. speaking of which, i realize that i associate songs with certain events or phases of my life very easily, like there's a soft spot for songs that can bring back a certain point in my life so vividly. like how sclub7 and m2m reminds me of the china trip with my basketball teammates in pri 6. think those who had discman's at that time and shared them ard had those songs playing repeatedly on the coach as we went from shanghai to suzhou and hangzhou; certain hip-hop music and catchy tunes like the umbrella song (which i'm not very tolerant of) reminds me of the days i worked in the gym early last year. those memorable mornings when i reached the pitch dark gym at 5am to start things up and greet e crazy early gymers at 6am! ; certain chinese songs, like tong hua and yi qian nian yi hou (which happens to be playing now :))to name a few reminds me of the many kbox outings with my jc class. apart from those sessions, my exposure to chinese songs are almost 0... how the girls in the class will randomly gather ard the class bench to sing.. e girls in jc class can really sing, very well :); e song 'way back into love' reminds me so much of the adelaide trip with a few jc friends last yr and some other random things.. remember how during the adelaide trip, we'd put the song on repeat mode and play bridge at night, as the rest of the city came to a standstill at an amazing 6pm.. ; and now corrinne may songs remind me of that studying period before pros. as i walked down to law library in the afternoon and listened to her songs, or as i walked home after a day of studying which seemed to have passed so quickly but yet not quickly enough. and on the days when i was too lazy to go down to the library and listened to some music during my lunch break at home... clearly i'm quite gd at reminiscing :)

post-exams period has been quite exciting and fun, and i think there shld be quite a bit more in store. been out quite a bit with my og, it's fun! had activities like our mini sports days, when we played basketball, some-sort-of-soccer, attempted tennis, and learnt table tennis. sports is fun, esp when there are so many pple to play with. have been planning a couple of holidays to come too. that has managed to keep me rather occupied. so excited bout the trips, and i'm always reminded of how blessed i am to be able to travel even tho i chose to stay in s'pore to study. met up with primary sch and sec sch friends, watched a couple of movies, including definitely maybe, which i found a bit random and not terribly heartwarming (my definition of a romantic comedy :)) and little ms sunshine (which i'm still too perplexed about to comment), shopping (despite numerous attempts to be more disciplined and just walk away :P)... plan to do a bit more baking when i get back from my trips. and meet up with a few more friends..

think this is enough randomness for one night.
looking forward...

random thoughts

2008-02-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

realized this is not a very apt title cos all the previous entry were random thoughts too, but i'm just not any more creative than this :P

a whole month of the new year has passed, so quickly! but what's new, every entry seems to start with how time flies anw. endeavored to study harder this year, but somehow that only lasted for a week.. tuition and all, tho not a lot, seem to be taking up a substantial amt of time, not to mention my craving to bake! so want to bake some cny cookies or something!

stayed over at my grandma's place last weekend, which happens almost fortnightly or weekly.. i won't say it's most convenient, but it's a nice quiet place to spend a weekend night actually. to try to get some work done, or just to have some time to get lost in thought, time, and space. and it occurred to me that 2 of the most beautiful women i've know are my grandmothers. One has amazed me with her strength and will power after everything that happened last year.. i don't know, i was just so afraid that things wld go downhill for her after that, that it wld be a change too great to cope with.. but i'm so glad things didn't turn out that way (i know that a tinge of sadness gets to her sometimes when she looks at old photos, but that's only natural right). mayb it's bcos she accepted Christ after that, mayb it's bcos she just has a very positive outlook to life, but what ever it is, i'm really impressed!

and my other grandmother, the way she looks after my grandfather, helping nurse him with his every need, keeping him company the whole day, sometimes having to put up with complaints of how home-cooked food doesn't taste very tasty (he's really nice, but i do imagine it does get tiring), i don't know, but i think it'll take enormous effort to keep up with that.. and e lack of outward expression of appreciation for all she's been doing (tho i do believe that pple don't always speak what they feel..) and how she doesn't go out very much, but when she does, she's always thinking and rushing abt so that she won't be away for too long..she's got lotsa energy for a grandma too, does the grocery shopping, and cooks yummy dinner for e whole family almost everynight. amazed

ironically, i know that we seldom tell the respective pple this sort of things, it's just kind of strange right...so as i was saying, these are completely random thoughts. haha.. just didn't feel like doing very much work on a friday night :P

2007-11-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

back from dinner. yesterday's QT was on spending more time with God, so i decided to do just that during my after-dinner walk round e neighbourhood. and i realized how true it can be when pple say that 'new' pple can have so much enthusiasm and fervor, and that the 'old', 'mature' and 'steady', on the contrary, can lose heart and waver sometimes. i guess that's inevitable, human nature makes the things we do everyday routine and part-and-parcel sort of thing. can't say i'm not guilty of this either. in fact, it has happened so many a time this year it kind of scares me. the feeling that effort doesn't seem to count, that no one really cares gets to me, and then a hint of doubt seems to set in, and then qns i know i shldn't even be thinking abt comes to mind... but i must say i've been shown in a scary but extremely real way never to doubt, or if that has happened already, not to let the thought linger. i'm kind of reminded bout what was said during a sermon a long long time ago, bout how it's so easy give thanks and believe when things are going well, when there is success, and so easy to blame, doubt, complain when things are not going well. and the conclusion to that almost inevitable sentiments is to rmb that it is in those down times that i have to count and rmb what i was thankful for previously, and not be blinded by the present circumstances. not exactly to live in your previous achievements/successes, but to mayb to think instead that we won't know happiness if we didn't know sadness. that trying must have preceded that moment of joy..

anw, sang this song at mcf a few weeks ago, and thought it was really meaningful:
I thank you , Lord,
for the trials that come my way
in that way i can grow each day,
as i let you lead
and i thank you Lord
for the patience those trials bring
in that process of growing
i can learn to care.

but it goes against the way
i am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do.

'cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored

i thank you, Lord,
with each trial i feel inside
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

i thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
in surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
and i thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front i can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

oh no, realized i'm personalizing this place a bit too much, sorry folks!
and after all that ranting, it's clear i still didn't feel like studying :P

shall go and make a better attempt

2007-11-16T18:18:00.001+08:00

exams are in a couple of weeks time, so i shld be mugging. but can't seem to get down to it. think it hasn't sunk in yet, hopefully it doesn't sink in only after i get the results, that's really a bit late... but to all those out there busy mugging, ouou, deb, oeh and yinggggg, jiayou! you'll be done real soon and will have the whole dec to play...

nothing spectacular has happened over the pass few weeks. sch went on as usual, it's become rather routine already. still amazes me how a week just goes by. like friday's usual a complete 'play day' for me cos i'll go out with my grandma during the long break before prac, then when i come home after prac in the evening, i don't really feel like doing much cos it's friday. e weekend, needless to say, is just 48 hrs, which always gives me the impression it's v short. mission trip meetings on sat afternoon, dinner at my grandma's place at night, church at midday on sunday.. and then so soon, it's sunday night.. lol.. then monday, tues and wed pass rather quickly, usually spent rushing tutorial. and that makes it midweek and thurs and fri come in no time..

so the days just going by like that makes things seem pretty meaningless right. it's almost like just waiting for time to pass! there were 2 out-of-curriculum talks, which i think were a ton more meaningful than all those silly drugs and enzymes we have to learn. one was on being a dr in general, and the other on listening. learnt that i've got quite a lot to learn in terms of being a gd listener.. haha.. learnt from the other talk that i shld go find a hobby, life isn't just bout sch and studying (tho ironically i don't seem to get much studying done and time just goes by).. contemplating learning flying again next year, tho it's super costly, think e whole course will come up to 20-30k.. so...

was feeling kind of sian after prac today, and then i found pea's email when i went home, and somehow it quite relevant, thanks babe! it was an inspiring read..haha

gtg for dinner now.. happy mugging to the rest!

-

2007-10-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

have been wanting to blog bout this really inspiring incident during my recent aust trip, but i've put it off till now. in summary, i took a guided tour at the botanics in perth with my dad. it's spring time there and they were having their annual wildflower festival, which was super pretty. all the flowers were in bloom, and in vast qtys. so that it really looked like a colourful sea of flowers. we joined one of the guided tours with about 15 other pple. everyone was busy admiring e flowers and taking photos, and amidst e crowd i saw this dark skinned man wearing sun glasses and walking with a stick. and like e rest he'll stop at each flower, go close to it, finger it and look thoughtful. so i didn't thing v much bout him, it was after all, an extremely bright and sunny day too. then when i was walking in front of him, he 'blatantly' stepped on my heal and didn't seem to think v much of it. i then realized he cldn't see! suddenly i cldn't understand why he wld even come for a tour like this, when e point is to admire e flowers.. but i realized that this man had seen beyond his limitations and was fully able to appreciate the little wonders of nature and the beauty of the small things in life. i can't quite express it, cos when i first saw e flowers, i was really amazed with how pretty they were, but it's even more amazing that someone who can't see can be equally mesmerized with the flowers as i was! (confusing sentence isn't it). and to make this whole incident even more 'beautiful', the lady who had brought him on this excursion, helping him along the whole way, patiently guiding his hand to feel the correct part of the flowers, was a white lady (u can't deny that segregation is still prevalent in society right..)

yup, so that was my inspiring incident of the trip.

sch has started and unfortunately i'm not too inspired by it. when there are so many pple ard and u still feel lonely, when u try and u fall short of expectations, when the question of whether this is really e right course creeps into your mind...

'when u've prayed every prayer that u know how to pray.... ...................just rmb that e Lord will hear and e answer is on it's way..'

searching for some direction

2007-09-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

sch's started and suddenly 5 weeks have gone by already. curriculum-wise i'd say it's quite similar to jc. cos there's no bidding and what not (which i hear is a big advantage cos bidding for modules is apparently v stressful). so i just follow my timetable, which is pretty standard cos everyday starts at 8.30, and everyone goes for e same lecture, so it's just like a very big jc class.

so after this not-v-big transition, things shld be going v smoothly. but somehow life doesn't seem as cheerful and bright as my initial jc days with the babes, mayb it's cos i haven't found any really close frens. i'm really glad that i know quite a few pple from orientation, and they're really nice pple.. but 'knowing pple' is quite different from really knowing them. u walk into lecture and walk out 4 hrs later and that's it. i'm happy to go home. there's no one really to drag to e toilet or e canteen with, or just to be myself. everyone else seems to know everyone else already so mayb i don't see e point in interfering with things, or may i'm just quieter by nature (tho i don't think so with familiar frens), mayb i've just not made any effort on my part..

most lectures are rather interesting content-wise. but memorizing and learning is another thing. it seems impossible to rmb all e nerves and vessels and muscles and bones for anat (yet somehow everyone gets thru it eventually, few mention e process).. and pple ard seem to be so current with lectures it does get a bit overwhelming. so by right i shld be wanting to study with all these pple ard, and i know i really shld, but by left i have no mood to. there seems to be little motivation.

i better stop here before this becomes a complaining, depressing, whining post. there are always things to be thankful for, like my really helpful snr, gd health, safety on e road (won't deny i had a few near misses tho).. as e song goes "count your blessings name them one by one".. must find a way to remain optimistic.. gtg

it's almost july

2007-06-29T20:43:00.001+08:00

haven't blogged for ages, cos i always feel too lazy to. actually i still am, but i'm a bit bored now too.

can't believe the many things that have happened in the past few months. suddenly the uncertain future became certain, by default, because time just continues going by and decisions are made just to meet deadlines, hardly out of certainty. at least that's how i ended up deciding to stay here instead of going overseas. cos i wanted to decide before going on my holiday to alaska, even tho the deadline wasn't due until i came back. but things only got slightly better after i submitted that decision. i suddenly thot i will miss physics and maths, the 2 subjects i found easiest and least stressful throughout sec sch and jc. i somehow just felt that the logical way things worked in those subjects fitted my style of thinking. and then the outcomes of a few more applications seemed to make things fall into place a bit, which slightly comforted me into thinking that my decision was according to God's plan after all. at least i hope so. i guess for now i shall just have to walk in faith that God will see me thru e future, no matter how tough the studying or work gets..
(on this note, i'd like to sincerely thank a few pple who helped me with my uni applications.. like my parents and sisters who prayed for me throughout the whole application and decision process, my granduncle who advised me bout interviews, my uncle who helped with hospital attachments, deb, who helped me with the sgh attachment and cca form and so many more things (i cannot express how deeply touched i am at your complete selflessness in helping a fren.. i find it amazing the way u never acknowledged the idea of competition or anything like that.. i dunno how to put it lah, but i'm just really really touched..i hope i can return a fraction of the favours u've done for me whenever the need arises), ying oeh ouou and steph for encouraging me before the numerous interviews...)

spent the last few months working and going on holiday.. work has been extremely tough and stressful. for one, i found the shift work in itself stressful. cos i'm a rather routine person. then i have to sleep at 10pm if i got 5am shift the next morning, which i'm totally not used to. but i still like to sleep late and wake up late on my off days. so the whole sleeping cycle becomes rather chaotic. then i always kana bullied into not getting the off days i want, or having to do the really odd shifts, cos i just don't dare to talk back to authority or simply give in. this has been a huge learning point for me, tho i must say i'm still not v gd at it. then there are pple who try to steal commission, ask me to do all the stupid saikang work. in the end i just get really irritated with myself for letting myself be bullied in such a way that i'd end up black facing the person the whole day, something i'm oddly proud of doing in a way..haha. sounds ironic eh.. mayb that's y e personality test ying sent around seemed to describe me so aptly.. haha.. must say i've seen the most un-innocent real world thru this job.

glad to say i won't be at it for much longer. i'm gonna find more meaningful ways to spend my time before sch starts.. i wanna spend lotsa time with my frens, we can meet up in the day since i'd be joining the jobless gang soon, more time with my grandparents and that sort of stuff.. i guess a specific incident this long hols has thot me a thing or 2 about spending time meaningfully with others and cherishing the pple around me..

shall continue other day.. meanwhile, looking forward to my off day tmr (:

my "blind date"

2007-03-21T17:18:00.000+08:00

i've realized i'm constantly behind time. it's clearly reflected in the way i blog. cos last week, i was writing bout the week before last and supposedly that current week, but nv finished it. and now i'm goin to have to finish it up and therefore write about last week this week. sigh, an accurate picture of how my work and revision schedule was like while studying..

to summarise (i intend to rectify this problem), last week was indeed a boring week. went for driving and rushed out my nus sch essay on monday. had the most horrendous task of cutting down words, only to find out later that their character count included spacing. so i had to cut summore, resulting in my sprint down to the post box at 4.45pm. can imagine how frustrated i was when i found out the deadline was extended. on the brighter side, at least that's one thing done. spent the next couple of days at the clinic. didn't intend to go down, but i just got too bored at home..hmm.. mayb i am a workaholic after all. but it wasn't a bad choice after all, cos i saw a few interesting operations. went for a swim with cg on wed at toapayoh. had quite a gd swim, tho the pool was a little to crowded for my liking, must have been the sch hols. was supposed to job shadow an engineer around on thurs and fri, but when i called to confirm on wed, he said next week was better. (i tend to get this feeling he was rather reluctant cos he kept postponing it and nv gave any concrete answers) so we fixed it for next monday 10 am at coronation, but i was supposed to call that morning to confirm. ( a little too last minute and impromptu for my liking, but mayb i'll learn to be more adaptable too then)

so on sunday night, i msged him to confirm, but didn't get a reply. then on monday morn, i called him at 9am, and he said he'll pick me up from coronation at 11.30. i must say (with a hint of pride (: ) that i made it in time despite leaving the house late and thinking i'll be late. so i sat at the parapet-like ledge near the pick up point, staring at each car's no. plate to see if it was the correct one.. 15 min passed, and he hadn't come. so i got bored and started reading my adelaide book. another 15 min passed, and by now the ntuc auntie who helps pass parcels to cars driving by must have thot i was plain odd, waiting for apparently nobody. but i decided to ignore her and continue reading. and then another 15 min passed, and i got tired of waiting. it had already been a test of patience thus far. so i called him up and asked what time he wld be coming by. and he said he was in the middle of a meeting and will come in bout 45 min time!! (oh great, you cld have told me that right..) so i marched off for lunch, during which time passed much more quickly. and at 1pm, i returned to my little spot by the pick up point. i'm sure the ntuc auntie had no doubt i was an abandoned kid who was such a nerd reading away to even realize i had been abandoned or something. and i waited, and waited. and i decided 1.30 was my cut-off time. i'll go to town and shop or something, it seemed a much more worthwhile way to spend my time.. well, turned out that he called at 1.20 asking if i was still around, and if so, he'd come by in 10 min time. u see how justified my perception of his reluctance was. ( and u prob see my negativity about this whole affair too(: ) i started thinking that a blind date, in whatever aspect, is bound to end up a failure. u see, it requires 100% trust, since the other party is so anonymous he's got no liability to you at all. he's got no reputation to tarnish, no face to lose, no explanation needed. but i guess that's when ive got to be a bit more optimistic and believe that everyone is generally kind and has some sort of responsibility to pple around..
so he did come eventually. and after he asked a few questions that more or less made up my self-intro, i found out he was one of my lower sec classmate's dad. which made me almost instantly forgive him. it's strange how the human mind works, or mayb just mine. in my mind, i had already passed so many harsh judgments on this stranger simply because i didn't know him and didn't believe in him after all that nonsense. but once i realized that he was related to someone i knew, i immediately softened up and decided he somehow deserved my respect, just becos of that. it's mind blogging. like suddenly i can think of it as, mayb he is just really busy. (even tho he shld still have called if he was gonna be late! (i'm hopeless))..
so anyway, he brought me to see a construction site and a bridge. he's a structural engineer, which is a subset of civil engineering i think. anyway, it wasn't v inspiring. i tried not to have the word 'bored' written on my face, so i felt extremely paiseh when he asked me 'are you bored yet', while watching construction workers carry some huge metal scaffolds at the bridge. he then brought me to the office. engineers who don't go down to the worksite basically spend their whole day in front of the computers using softwares to draw staircases and measure angles and stuff like that. the most exciting part was to see them use formulas and calculate something or other to see if the structures they had put in on the com were within limits. apart from that, i really cldn't be bothered if that bridge was tilting a fraction of a degree to the side or anything like that. anyway, he stayed in office for bout 10 min before leaving to see the dr, i think he had a cough. so i hung around the office and disturbed a few pple there with my qns, before i really cldn't tahan and excused myself at 4.15, (since he wasnt coming back for the day anyway).
i wonder what i learnt.. i learnt that i don't fancy civil engineering at all, not that i thot i did, but now i know for sure i dont. i only like the math part bout it..haha.. so mayb another branch of engineering wld be gd? but i'll nv know until i try i guess. so it was a useful experience i'd say, mayb i'm a few cm away from square one. but not much closer to being sure of what i want to do..
this has been a long story, but at least im not behind time anymore! and i realized this is becoming my personal blog.. hey pple..blog blog!

an eye-opening week & a boring week

2007-03-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

haven't had the chance to blog earlier cos i was rushing to complete all the scholarship essays. but i wanted to blog bout my week at a&e, so i shall have to summarise and recall from the now not-so-fresh memory.
a&e was fun! it got a bit dull after a couple of days cos the cases were all v similar, but on the whole, i wldn't have minded if it was a bit longer. most of the drs there were rather nice, or at least they weren't un-nice, and those who were un-nice cld be nice if they felt like it too. goes to show how moods can swing when u have such a hectic job. most drs we spoke too told us the usual thing bout medicine.. u sure u want or not?.. don't do medicine!!.. etc. but one of the snr drs was quite encouraging lah. and despite how they say it's hard to achieve much in your personal life when u're a dr, most of them, at least the older ones, are married. mayb it's just easier for guys.. and most of the drs there are from rj! just goes to show how true the fact that rj pple tend to get into med more than hc pple is. not that i really mind. just nv saw it so "real" in my life, in that sense..
the cases there are all rather similar. old pple with chest pains. it's almost like an extended gp clinic. mayb accident, but hardly emergency. except for that one or two occasional cases. which i unfortunately always manage to just miss, either by slacking in the lounge or going for lunch! concluded we bring peace to the a&e department. exciting things only happen when we're not around. then the treatment is also quite standard. take bp, blood tests, set plugs, take x-ray, send to observation. most end there i think.
guess the most memorable and meaningful experience for me was this asthma attack case. basically, this malay (or was he indian) guy came in with serious sob (dr's short form for short of breath..lol) and v severe chest pain due to the asthma attack. apparently he had some alcohol too which prob aggravated the situation. anyway, cos of his condition, he was given immediate attention and a gas mask to help him control his breathing. then suddenly he started calling out loudly "hallelujah, hallelujah, Holy Spirit come down on me! God is the most powerful! God take me cos i 100% believe in you..." i was taken by surprise and loss for words. i had not seen anything quite like this before. so the three of us continued standing there watching. then i asked the drs if he knew what he was saying, and they said he prob had too much to drink. but after that he started telling us stories and i'm quite sure he was pretty sane and conscious of wat he was saying. He told us he went to prison for a few years and was converted there, that God has saved him and given him a new life. He was also pretty excited bout one of his daughters getting married in a church soon, and said we reminded him of his daughters (i wld think in terms of age maybe?) All this time, he was gasping in pain, and saying he knew his heart wasn't normal, and without the gas mask he knew he wouldn't be able to breathe. Yet, he said he was unafraid to die because he believed God will take him home. All this while, I knew i should have offered to pray for him, i knew it wld prob be of great comfort and reassurance to him, and i've heard that my church fren had done that often when the patient consented. yet, being my meek, timid self, i cldn't bring myself too. sigh...He asked if we were Christians and i told him i was. He told me to share my faith with my other 2 frens (deb and aw yong) and i just cldn't say no to him. it's gonna be one of those things i've said yes to and find it difficult to deliver later. After that, he offered to pray for us, and that moment, i felt so absolutely bad. cos it shld have been the other way round! i guess i learnt a lesson bout my faith. cos here was this man in great great pain, thinking he was going die any moment, and he was going to share his faith to as many pple as possible till his very last breath! whereas here i am, alive and perfectly healthy, and not doing anything! Indeed, i have been hardworking for myself, studying and what not last yr, but i've not been very hardworking for God. mayb becos it's i don't like to impose religion on others, mayb cos i don't want to appear to be insensitive, mayb cos i simply lack the courage, and mayb these are all just excuses. nonetheless, i'm not gonna do any hard core selling, i don't really think that's the way either. a person shld discover his/her faith for his/herself. but in any case, if any of u are curious, can come to church with me one weekend. i don't promise i have all the answers tho. i'm still very much but a child in this sense. i'll be having my church confirmation this sunday so if u're interested in coming, do feel free too!
ok, hope u all aren't too put off by all this in any way. that just so happened to be the most meaningful event in my last-week. or mayb in this year..haha..
and as usual i won't finish my post as usual. it's getting a bit long. looking forward to seeing you all on sunday!

which path?

2007-03-01T14:37:00.000+08:00

time flies! feb's over already! took a day off from the clinic so i'm basically slacking at home today. was supposed to be productive and think bout wat courses/scholarships i wanna apply and do something about that, but i'm just too lazy! so i ended up surfing the net for things to do for the aust trip.
spent the last week at the hospital. saw quite a few interesting surgeries. and realized that blood and needles aren't that bad afterall, at least the sight of them doesn't freak me out so much. so i dunno if i want to do medicine now.. not that i'm sure i can get in in the first place, but not sure if i want to do it all. cos all along i thot i'd do engineering. not that i know exactly wat that's about. just thought it'll be something along the lines of maths and physics, and since i liked that in sch, then i thot engineering will prob be a natural choice. but come to think of it, i liked math and physics cos i am simply lazy. cos those 2 subjects, once u understand, u've kind of got it, unlike bio, have to sit there memorizing facts and making sure it sticks inside. but on the other hand, i'm not very interest in machines and gadgets, it's still a rather guy-ish thing to me. whereas i find bio (only the human part, not plants!) interesting, but didn't really like it cos it's so tedious to study.. so u see where i'm coming from? i dunno whether i'd prefer engineering or med. i kind of think i'll have an easier time studying engineering, but mayb i'd prefer being a doctor rather than an engineer. come to think of it, i don't quite have a choice. cos i only applied for engineering at all the overseas unis, so if i don't get into medicine here, then i don't really have to make a decision (unless i wanna start 1 yr late). if i do (tho unlikely), then i'll just choose when the time really comes..haha
anyway, the hrs at the hospital have been rather nice and short compared to office job, so i've had quite a lot of free time after work, and i've been going out quite a bit too! met one of my bball frens on monday for dinner, watched "just follow law" on tues, it's super funny! went for driving lesson and piano lesson yesterday. driving's fun, just that it was pouring heavily yesterday, which made getting there and back troublesome. meeting up with classmates to discuss our holiday later, and looking forward to meeting you guys on saturday too!
looking forward to hospital attachment wif deb next week. dont know wat i'm going to do after that tho. shld look for a job. shall try to get a more interactive one, no more pure paper work for me. i wanna see pple and talk to pple! at least i wanna learn how to.. i dun wanna remain a hermit for the rest of my life..haha..

hello

2007-02-23T21:48:00.000+08:00

Haha thanks kwa for associating me with such pretty flowers!! I'm super honoured..:) i havent blogged for more than 3/4 of a year i think..somehow i find myself at a loss for words! looking at kwa's post i cant help feeling that my time this year hasn't really been spent that meaningfully thus far..it's good to have some form of working experience of cos, but my work sometimes really borders on the most mindless and repetitive of tasks..still, each day brings sth new becos theres no knowing what my colleagues or bosses will ask me to do..as you all know by now, my work has ranged from tasks that are menial (cleaning/dusting/packing/making tea/folding shirts) to repetitive (fotocopying an entire book/sticking stickers/writing cards/searching for tel numbers) to physically draining (climbing up a hill to deliver stuff/delivering mail/retrieving stuff from storerooms) to totally random (searching for old invoices/checking stuff)..the most challenging tasks ive handled that remotely requires more brain work are some very basic accounts n drafting of an email..thankfully, im beginning to appreciate the few colleagues I have more with the passing of time (as opposed to the first day when i came back disheartened and sickened)..ive got used to their brand of humour, their way of talking and i no longer dislike some while i genuinely like some a lot.. and im quite thankful in the sense that they've been quite forgiving of my never ending list of blunders thus far (though i m a little irked when one of them always laughs at my stupidity, its a little patronising the way she does it!) though they arent passionate abt their work (theres hardly a day without someone on leave; makes me wonder how many days of leave they can take) they certainly adhere to high standards of perfection in their work and are amazingly meticulous..and the other temp's nice too..we started communicating by msn at work today..quite funny cos we can hear each other's typing when we chat..

still i cant help feeling that i havent exactly learnt much from my work..yes thats always that intangible "experience" everyone speaks so highly of, but when I think about it i havent improved much essentially in the way i deal with things..ive realised to my horror that i'm not the most meticulous and careful of pple and i can be HIGHLY inefficient..its alright when i only have one task on hand but on days when different pple pile me with work i flounder-and cant decide whose to priortise esp when everyone tells me theirs is urgent ..i have so much more to learn-and i want to change-but i dont quite know how..

call me mercenary but the best part of work i think is the pay..getting the payslip thru mail is one of the most exciting experiences..tho i din manage to hit a thousand for the first month cos of 2 days of leave (and it will be even worse with CNY and results coming out) its nice to tell my mum I help u pay for this la! when shes hesitating over sth to buy though in the end she always pays..fillial me has given a treat to my parents though muahaha.. anyway i dont know if its foolish, but ive started recording my daily expenses from my very expensive transport fare to the occasional Hello panda and eight days i splurge on..ive become quite money conscious in a sense..esp when i think of the future..i already noe what the proverbial rainy day will be for me..or for my family rather.

speaking of the future all of u have already made up your minds on what to do! or at least partially in the case of bin..im the only one..i cant believe it..the future is like some vague misty distance that i just avoid thinking of..all i noe is that i want a good income:( i feel depressed and lousy just talking about it..and i dont even feel the urge to do some research on the future possiblities..one problem with working is that i lapse and slump into a total state of bonelessness the moment i reach home..i feel no incentive to do any of the meaningful things i resolved to do earlier-and i just slack away with the justification that ive been slogging at work earninng my meagre income:(:(

haiz..how have ur cny hols been? as always i loved mine..looking forward to seeing u all soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tmr to be exact!! happy cny nway!

more on 2007..

2007-02-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

hey, i wanted to continue my post, but the silly homepage forced me to do some weird things to the account. it said must transfer some rubbish. and being rather blog illiterate, i didn't really see a way around it. so i just followed it's instructions. hope i didn't screw things up to much. anyway, i'm sure the computer geniuses who generously help to maintain this blog can reverse it if what i just did was really detrimental, right.. in any case, they said now have to log in wif some google account. so i just used my own normal email. so if any of you can't log in, can try that.. really hope everything isn't too messed up.

continuing with my rather boring entry, after i was done at the law firm, i got another temp job through the job agent. it was an admin assistant job for 2 weeks with a mnc, draeger medical. 2 weeks was just right. any longer and think i'd be expert at playing freecell and hearts. the company's a german company that supplies medical equipment to most of the hospitals in singapore, like respirators and baby logs (still figuring out wat exactly that is). helped out in the accounts department, which basically consisted of one other person, cos the other girl quit, and they hadn't found anyone new yet, which is why i was there i guess. so this one other person in the accounts department (the accounts analyst) was sort of like my boss cos i worked directly under her, tho it was supposed to be the finance manager. must say i'm really fortunate that this accounts analyst was really really nice to me. she's a rather soft spoken person, the kind who will quietly do all the work piled on her, so in the end she kana bullied a bit i think. she works part time, meaning up to 2.30, but always ends up going back around the same time as me, which is 5.30. but she was saying that if she works full time, she'd prob go back at 8 even tho the official time is 5.30, so better still work part time, then can spend more time at home since she claims she's getting old. apart from meeting really nice, fun and lively people (the logistics department was in the next row and the engineering department nearby too), i didn't too much besides right checks, help put the files in order, pack cupboards, data entry..
the most exciting part of that 2 weeks was the pre-cny days. was invited to the company cny lunch on wed. it was at a chinese restaurant nearby, boon lay raja restaurant or something like that. it was interesting to see all the guys sit at one table and all the gals at other. thot this sort of thing doesn't happen in the working world, sounds childish right.. then when the guys table started tossing the raw fish salad, the big boss, this german guy, exclaimed "wat a mess!"..haha.. a lady at our table (the finance manager) jokingly told him off, said cannot say this kind of inauspicious thing..haha.. then for dessert we had this typical chinese thing. with my lousy chinese, didn't know wat it meant. only knew it sounded like ice cream in chinese and apparently it was some part of the frog. frog lens or something? anyway, it was nice and sweet so i just ate it. but the finance manager refused to eat it. then after glancing across to the other table and seeing that the big boss was half way thru his share, she asked him, "claus, do u know wat's that?".. then she kindly informed him that it was some weird part of the frog, and the poor guy didn't have another spoon of it after he found out. then on fri, the big boss went around giving out hong bao and 2 oranges to each staff. it was quite odd to see this german guy walking around the office with a stash of hongbaos sticking out from his breast pocket.. nonetheless, i was pretty glad to be on the receiving end, it was quite a bonus :) so i had a happy ending to my last day of work. my pay hasn't come in tho, i'm still waiting, they had better pay me!
apart from work, spent half a day at my uncle's clinic. went in on a saturday since i cldn't find any other day since i was working. was supposed to be in at 8.45, so i got a rude shock when he called my up at 7.45 (was still fast asleep), and asked if i wanted to see a semi-emergency surgery. so i jumped out of bed, half brushed my teeth (before deciding there wasn't enuf time), changed, haf washed my face, before he was outside my gate. girls can't get ready in 10 minutes right.. didn't even have time to put on my contacts on comb my hair. anyway, no regrets, cos it was the first surgery i saw, and must say it was pretty interesting. he was doing a cesarean for this woman who for i dunno wat reason had to deliver prematurely. by the time i entered the operating theatre (took so long to get changed cos i was so unfamiliar wif everything), the patient was already anaesthesized, and the dr had already started. thot i'd faint at the sight of everything, cutting a person right across the abdomen and seeing everything inside (shan't go into details), but it wasn't that bad somehow. in fact, it was rather interesting to see how they did things. with such ease (guess it comes with experience) that the dr was just chatting away to the anaesthetist throughout the whole surgery..anyway, the baby was tiny, it was 30 weeks, which is 10 weeks early, but i heard he's doing fine now! so that's great! spent the rest of the morning in the clinic, seeing ultrasound scan, all these anxious and excited couples, some even came with the whole entourage or grandparents and what not.. guess it's understandable.. all in all, it was interesting (limited vocab u see), much more than office work, so shall go hunt for hosp attachments..
that's pretty much bout all the "useful" stuff i've done this yr. a long and rather boring post. i'll continue to blogging some other time..
bin and oeh, must write somethng.. u both haven't written anything for ages! must be more dutiful like me :)

2007 so far..

2007-02-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged in ages, possibly half a year? and i haven't come here in ages too, so was kind of surprised to see the new template. but it's nice! and refreshing! so scenic, so like deb. and the flowers somehow remind me of xiao gui..
life without school has been rather different. i'm not sure if i prefer it. come to think of it, i don't quite miss school yet. yeah i did enjoy having frens around for almost half the day everyday, and not having to decide what to wear each day and worry about having worn it 2 days earlier, but there's a part of the JC memory that still saddens me and makes me bitter, a raw wound that is easily provoked and brings tears to my eyes. didn't even know i cld get so emotional. i guess we discover more about ourselves each day..shan't dwell into it here.
spent my first few days of this year hanging around a dermatologist, trying not to be too much of an obstruction. felt rather awkward and out of place at first i didn't even know where to put myself when there were no patients. also got pretty faintish at the sight of an open wound and thot i'd never do medicine cos i simply cldnt take that aspect. realized it just took some time to get used to.
got my first official job at a law firm. glad that i managed to get a classmate who was also looking for a job to come with me. made the job much more interesting. with someone to talk to each day, really helps. must say that i found it interesting, to find out how things work in a law firm, the legal procedures to buying properties. my summary is, they like to do tonnes of paperwork. they like to sound cheem by removing all the punctuations from the entire paragraph. the pple there were really nice tho. there was this whole row of secretaries sitting outside our room and they are terribly amusing sometimes. thot the working environment was rather pleasant, except for the high stress level. u actually see some of em running down the corridors trying to catch a certain delivery timing. office politics didn't show up too much, at least not within a month. met a few more contract staff there too. there's this gal from acjc and another from rj. they came together and are church frens. had dinner with them the last day. they're pretty frenly. amusingly, the one from rj only noes deb as the one who had some interesting story going on in sch *grinz*
spent longer then expected at the law firm cos we kept extending. in the end it was about a month. super happy when i got my first pay cheque tho, and rather pleased they don't have cpf. and they generously gave us transport and meal allowance when we did OT past 8pm.
actually still got quite a lot more to rattle about regarding my 2007 so far, but i'm too tired le.. i'll continue some other time..

new template!

2007-01-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

hey! computer-savvy me decided to change the template! i like this one a lot...so simple and sweet right! buttttt hahahahaa i kinda got rid of our tagboard in the process and obviously i dunno how to get it back so tyz IT'S YOUR JOB NOW! hehe

hmm our blog has been dead for so long oredy..and since all of us, no all of you, have been so busy with work and all, with only the good-for-nothing me still slacking away, let's use this blog to update each other on our lives! i pretty much know wad u all are doing, but im curious about the actualy work u all do! i've never worked before and i really wanna know wad an office job is like..is it tough? boring? dreadful? should i just give my whole mind and soul to applying for medicine???? ahhh

haisss i really need to talk to a medical student to find out how life is studying medicine..but antisocial me dunno any seniors who are studying medicine (or any other course actually)....do any of you personally noe any med students?

haha im just slacking my life away now..gonna meet sheila for dinner later..maybe i should go write my reflections bout my 2 day attachment at the clinic..meanwhile im waiting for sgh's reply..my mummy knows someone there..and her friend just helped me send my cv to the hr department 2 days ago so i shall wait for the reply!

hmm u noe right, if i were offered an office job now and a job in the hospital, i'd prefer the office job..does that show much bout my actual interest in medicine?? should i apply for it at all??? and the fact that im so confused now oredy shows i dont have that much passion for it after all right..they always say to study medicine u must have a lot of passion, to see you through the long, arduous years of intensive studying and all...HOW???

i'm looking forward to dinner tmr! haven seen all of you together for so long oredy..den i shall get u all to write in my favourite book kwa gave me! hehehe..

byebye my darlings! let's revive this blog ok!

2006-09-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

KWA!!! HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!! HEHE MUG HARD BUT MUZ REMEMBER TO RELAX!! ESP. TODAY!

ALL OF U TOO! WE SHALL GO CELEBRATE AFTER PRELIMS!

DUN STRESS K! :)

-tyz

to my dear friends...

2006-08-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

elloOOOOOOO!!! i wonder if u all will read this... but anyway decided to update here since this has been stagnant for so long! firstly, i am sorry i cldn't hav dinner with u all today... i guess i just wanna say that i am really thankful that i have friends like you whom i can always count on, listen to me when i am down; my grumbles and whining... hmmmm takes u all lotsa patience to do that i guess cox i know sometimes, i repeat stuff that i have already mentioned and still never fail to bring those up when i am feeling increasingly angsty... like lamenting about my sch life and my class... hope it hasn't bore u all to tears! but u all have never once complained about that... though i know it can get irritating cox i myself am frustrated by it! and yeah u all always help me in anyway u all can be it academic wise (fotocopying of all ur notes, or asking u all lotsa qns) or giving me really good advice whenever i feel perturbed and troubled... like when i needed to make a decision or when i needed someone to direct me where to go when i feel all alone and lost... in short, u all are always there for me, no matter what! and that's especially comforting for me during these 2 years (which hasn't been easy for me emotionally)... yeah and here, i also wanna apologise for the times when i were selfish and impatient... and sorry for the times i've caused hurt... but nevertheless, u all are still very forgiving, obliging and accomodating towards... even though sometimes, i think i don't deserve all ur kindness... hmmmmm for all these, i am extremely grateful! i wanna reassure u all that u are indeed my awesome bunch of friends whom i will definitely remember for life! there's no doubt about that... ahh time sure flies! it's been nearly 2 years since we've graduated from nanyang... and now it's going to be time to once again bid goodbye to our jc (really soon)... i feel kinda scared about the future... the uncertainty about everything and the changes that ensue which i know i will need a lot of time before i get used to them... but i guess for now, the most important thing is to focus on the present especially with prelims and As looming! JIAYOU, everyone! i know we can all do it! jus hang in there!!! i believe it will b over very soon and we can then enjoy ourselves... :)

to fish: don be too stressed k! try to relax... (haha... i noe i will b as stressed as u soon) u hav always been consistent so must have faith in youself! u can do it! :) i have great telepathy with u and u always understand me, my worries and troubles... thank you so much! :)

to deb: u are always so cheerful, optimistic and not forgetting cheeky (plus a lil mischievous)! haha... u take everything in ur stride, i really admire u for that! you are always there for me... i enjoy talking to you and u always give me really good advice... can talk to u almost about everything and anything... and most importantly, u make me feel a lot better whenever i am feeling down! :)

to pee buddz: PEE BUDDDZ!!! u are brimming with knowledge! can always ask u about some cheem english terms and gp whenever i hav doubts and u never fail to ans them! and know i hav been asking u for help for my testimonials and boon lay youth club stuff... sorry for troubling u and once again, thanks for all your help! let's JIAYOU for prelims and As! (will remember all the smses we sent to encourage each other during june hols whenever we are both alone and feeling depressed at home...) thanks a million! :)

to kwa: kwa!!! though i don see u as frequently, but i am really glad that we still update each other bout our lives whenever we get the opportunity to... will never forget us swimmming together and those memorable movie treats! they were great stress relievers and make me feel extremely happy! let's meet up again after prelims, yeah? meanwhile, JIAYOU for mugging! :)

LOVE YA LOADS!!! :)

huggies and kisses,
*bin

2006-07-11T18:59:00.000+08:00

haiz i feel horrible today. coz my EEEcons was EEEExtremely lousy...haiya so sian la..and the worse thing was it was supposed to be my ok subject and now like that :( nvmnvmnvm we shall all be hardworking girls and get our nice As in 2 mths time...haha oeh u din secretly take a photo of your bro's crush ah? then can show us...and WHY DID U REMOVE MY PREVIOUS POST!!! i'm gonna tell kwa everything still!!! kwa, i put up an msn convo between oeh and i, and she was naming all her crushes, and u were in there too! and she said that she "really liked them" in the past, and even said "Trust me, i want to get married some day and have grand children bouncing on my lap" or sth along that line..haha!

are we having dinner on fri? i miss you all already :(

and tmr's gonna be worse coz i'm taking back my math paper :(

as always,

-tyz-

2006-07-10T00:24:00.000+08:00

hello everyone..realised i haven't blogged in ages..so here i am!
ive only told tyz this so i may as well relate this incident..last friday when i went to attend my brother's scholarship ceremony i found myself caught in a most amusing situation (at least it was amusing to me.) for when i entered the lift in orchard hotel with my parents i met my principal!! it actually took me a few moments to recognise him, cos to me he's usually just a distant figure standing on the bridge during morning annoucements..but having noted the trademark red tie and side parting there was no mistaking abt it: it was him!!! it did occur to me if i should step forward to acknowlege him but being the shy modest reticent me i didn't of course..though i had this ridiculous urge to laugh during the long ride up the lift..when the doors opened he disappeared in a flash but he obviously had no idea where the ceremony was held..so that when i was entering the ballroom i looked up to see him loitering at a higher level above us..haha imagine my guilt when i saw him hurriedly entering the room a few minutes later!:s other than that the ceremony was largely a boring affair..except the perfomance segment where i saw, for the first time in my life, my brother dance on stage..couldn't stop laughing throughout the thing..and suan-ed him mercilessly after that though he was actually not bad..
hmm..all in all this has been a rather slack week..guess when the work starts piling we'll get into momentum again..don't know why but even though i noe all that dreaded period will arrive all too soon it seems for now somewhat a distant reality..i don't understand why but i think im in an odd dreamlike state when im alone these days..tired. being caught up in the tangle of my own thoughts and worries can be downright depressing at times..so that sometimes i would rather find all ways and means to avoid thinking.
its getting late..think i'll end here for now! bye
with love
oeh

current life...

2006-07-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

ello!!! am kinda bored... hmmmm i feel so sianx now that sch has reopened... i dunno why... wish i cld dispel this kind of sianness asap so that i can focus on my priorities! well, jus very glad that this week is a short and nice week with friday being a half day and thursday where by it's my earliest dismissal time... i think things are really heating up in term3! i can feel the slight pressure now... given that there will b extra lessons for bio and maths for the entire cohort... so my mondays and tuesdays cirriculum are going to be stretched! ummm... but i guess that's the way how thing are going to be like from now onwards... okie yeah we are inching closer and closer to prelims (8 weeks), As (4 mths) well, this also means we will be getting a long break frm studying in 5 mths time... okie... i am writing this hopefully to start my momemtum going after a week's rest... i seem to hav lost the drive! plus, i realise (actually long ago but i jus wanna emphasise haha...) the most important ingredient in watever we do is to have faith in yourself! i mus admit most of the time, i lack this essential piece to complete my entire jigzaw... so i must overcome my weakness! in short, everyone JIAYOU!!! don get too affected by our ct2 results! jus keep on going... :)

yeah my back is okie already! finally after a few days... thanks to u all! :) i really appreciate ur concern...

oh yeah, mayb we cld all do social work together after As! have always yearned to be able to do social work part time in the future... hope my passion for it will not dwindle as i grow older and be more caught up with a pragmatic and fast paced life... as all of u wld hav known, there's really a sense of fulfilment in helping others! i always feel proud of myself thereafter... :)

okie enough of my rambling, cya all SOON!!!

love,
*bin

2006-07-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

hmmm this is gonna be a short post...in response to kwa's yellow ribbon project thing..ya i think its very meaningful to go be mentor there or sth! cos that time i went for this yellow ribbon dialogue session..at first i tot they got cip for us to do la in the end they just talked about the whole campaign only..they said they din want to let us be mentors under school basis and stuff cos will we still continue the mentorship after we leave jc? then the mentees will get attached to us and all and its not good if we wont be able to commit...

i was thinking of going into social work as a career in the future..so far its the only reasonable job to me that seems really possible..but guess my parents dont want me to be..naturally cos the pay is low and all and after all it doesnt require that much of a good education to be one too..guess they want my education to come to good use too..but see first la..

oh nwayy how did u all do for cts? lemme tell u something EXCITING. haha. i got E(xciting) for my chem la! but kinda expected it too..so nvm..but i've decided to be damn hardworking this term..ok maybe still not as mugger as some of my mugger classmates but at least i'll make myself do some work everyday, as compared to how i could go by one week just slacking all my time at home away..and only try to do a teennnyy weeny bit of tutorials over the weekend haha.

so, we must all start working hard oredy k...dont forget our sat studying pact! kwa join us too leh! its quite conducive there one really! :)

okie this is gonna be a not-so-short post after all haha..i got a bowl of mango in front of me! very sweet and yummy! are u all JEALOUSSS??!? hehe

nway, binbin, get well soon ok! love ya dear! huggsss :)

meet up SOON

with much love as usual (haha!)
deb

a compromise

2006-07-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

hello! this place is getting kind of stagnant.. mayb cos everyone was busy mugging.. must admit i oso haven't post for a long time too.. so shall tell everyone a bit bout my june hols attachment. think e obs part was great fun, and e attachment part was a memorable and mayb once in a lifetime experience, unless i do join them as a career lah..
obs was 3 days. we were split into 3 groups, but there were v few gals, only 2 or 3 per group, so was quite lucky to be put in e same group as my team mate, but oso means that i pretty much stuck to her most of e time instead of mixing around wif e other gals lah. we stayed out both nites, 1 day sea ex and 1 day high elements. basically pretty short lah. didn't really like sea ex cos i don't really like kayaking. find it quite monotonous and s'pore not say v scenic, and worst of all we cldn't control e direction of e kayak, so kept zigzagging and taking e longest possible time that we were lagging all e time. ended up being e back sweeper and e right and left sweeper at e same time..lol.. but everyone was quite understanding lah, then kept stopping to let us catch up, but that means we didn't get many breaks in between. haha.. we stopped at e quary for lunch, and after lunch kayaked down this river-mangrove like place. it was quite nice cos e scenery was different and kayaking in e river instead of e wide open sea was more fun (mayb cos got less room to zig-zag). e current also made e kayak seem to move much faster too. then e next day high elements was nothing special but think i enjoyed it too, cos didn't get to try it e last time in sec 3.
for e attachment, first day we went to police places, first new phoenix park, then toapayoh npc, then traffic police, then special operations command (SOC). all quite cool, to see e different kinds of police vehicles and weapons they use and carry with em. saw e elite team at soc, supposedly one of e tests to qualify is to run 10km wif 10kg bag. no women allowed, such discrimination.. haha.. and saw e canine unit too. e dogs were really nice and frenly!
2nd day went to scdf places, first e head quaters then to scdf training academy. saw e latest fire vehicles there. then met e dart team and saw all their rescue equipment, including this interesting pulley seat which we got to try. they use it for lifting themselves above e rubble or something. and saw their night vision goggles and oxygen tanks used when they fight fires. and this special microphone thing they use at night to detect survivors breathing under rubble. overall quite cool lah. but like e elite police team, dart team got no females too.. training academy was fun cos they have this 7 storey building called a furnace, and each room simulates a different burning environment, like got one wif decor like hotel, one like bar, one like chemical storage. then e whole place goes on fire and it's super hot, especially when they tried this backdraught thing on us.
last day went to prisons department. went to kaki bukit prisons sch and change prison cluster a. think this was e most memorable part for me lah. e pple at e prisons sch are actually really talented, i suddenly felt sorry for them, e kind of sympathy u feel for disabled/handicapped pple. almost had e urge to go down next time and tutor em or something. and then i wondered why i feel like that towards these prisoners, i mean, they don't deserve such sympathy right. they did something wrong and they are getting wat they deserve by being imprisoned. then y bother spend so much government funds giving them labs to take o's and a's and so many rehabilitative programmes. then wat e head at e prison's sch said during a dialogue gave me an answer.. that logically speaking, these people do not deserve e treatment and funds and effort spent on em, but they need it. and compassion arises not from responding to wat pple deserve but to their needs. thot it makes sense. quite inspired to become a prisons officer (think my parents will flip).. think i'll think twice but i'll give it some consideration too. at e closing ceremony for this whole session, which was held at e prisons auditorium, a grp of inmates which formed a band performed for us, and seriously, they are really gd. they're talented pple. e singer, e drummer, all of em.. so for those who are un-inspired still, must support yellow-ribbon project k, unlock e 2nd prison and let these pple assimilate back to society.. (sounds like they brainwashed me right.. ) nono, i'm convinced..
e compromise.. this disturbing feeling that i've seriously screwed up this block tests.. leaving almost half e chem paper blank and stupidly choosing an eco essay qn cos of a mental blk (forgot that voltage gated channels were proteins). think i'll get a few marks out of 20 for e few lines of eco related stuff i wrote. completely nonsense and non-biological..sigh, i dun wish to get back any of e papers. think it'll shock myself despite how much i'm expecting it, to have grades dropping by many bands before prelims isn't gd. think i shall just be motivated to study harder and be contented wif e many experiences i gained during e attachment..
this has been a long narrative.. shall go off now
~charl

u are in my thoughts more often than u think u are...

2006-06-17T20:57:00.000+08:00

okie i am here to do a quick random post because i am famished now! hmmmmm life has been boring cox all of us are spending most of our time preparing for cts right? we must all remain optimistic cox it will be over really sooN!!! then we can all see each other and enjoy ourselves! YAY!!!! i am sooooo looking forward to it! lalala~ it's really a short entry because i have nth to write about... anyway, JIAYOU for this last week!!! :)

love and missing everyone,
*bin

2006-06-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

haha oh no the blog is dying!! cannnoooot!!! argh...so how's everyone's mugging been (same old question again)!! hehe...i've not been like v productive, much better than 1st or 2nd week, BUT STILL!! haiya i cannot wait for hols to end, not bec i want to take cts soon, but it's coz i'm dying from being mostly alone at home! haha then i'll go to sch, which is much better coz there're pple (u noe at least CIVILIZATION) ard, as compared to staring at the four white walls in my house and the occasional passing lizard...haha but then! the sch lib is like starting to get crowded, with pple mugging and mugging...haha

haiz i'm bored i'm bored i'm bored...oops i just said it 3 times...oh oh haha! but of coz sth juicy's happening to deb aka ouou rite!!! tsk tsk!! hehe eh our predictions came true!! in fact, it's much earlier than our predictions!! (kwa u can ask me for nice details of wad i'm talking abt!!) haha oh no, ouou's gonna kill me, i'm so BBC...ahh but then again, all these nice little juicy stuff can only be told between the few of us! =)

ok la i dunno wad i'm talking abt anymore...it's really depressing when the sky's so dark outside, and then i'm alone at home (attempting to) study...haiz...

good luck pple!! dunno when we can meet for a dinner leh!! =)

as always,

-tyz-

2006-06-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

ahh i feel so guilty! just came online for the first time in days and realised the sudden barrage of entries..i know this is kind of late but i really really hope u are feeling better kwa!!! cheer up..i don't think theres anything i can do to make u feel better at all..but to me u will always be a star player..

hmm..the past few days have really made me guilty..last week i planned such a nice study plan for the hols but i nv really quite got down to following it..and now im a few days behind schedule.. (though i do go jogging HAHA TYZ)..i don't noe why but there seems to be sth terribly wrong with my concentration span..my mind just keeps wandering off even though im staring at the pages..or i stop to play with the clock, do some doodling, or simply daydream..and im experiencing this funny phenomenon that i got during the mugging period for the Os: a lot of old old memories come flooding back to me when i try to study..it sounds ridiculous but its as though my brain is trying to release some memories so that it can withold more information..its proving to be a real distraction though and as the time slips by quickly without my realising i think im going to be seized by some panic attack again..

haha i dun mind meeting upto destress!! but why the beach!!! hahah for unsporty boring outdoor hating me its one of the places i dread most! haha but if u all want to im ok with it..yah my last paper is on 4 july and kwa too, cos its a physics paper. HAIZ..:(

missing u all
oeh

2006-06-07T12:54:00.000+08:00

hey kwa! hope u're feeling better...if i were u i think i'd probably quit the whole competition...is it ending already? ya but how can the coach tell u he wants u in and yet make u sit on the bench!! that's v irresponsible of him...

how's everyone's hols been? mine's mostly been stoning and slacking at home...like for the whole morning i was supposed to study and yet just wasted time reading the papers, listening to music and coming online...haiz! i've been on the SAME econs topic since the start of the hols! and i feel so useless at home...argghh...i noe it sounds really stupid, but i can't wait for hols to be over, so at least i'll be prompted/have to do work in sch, and so won't feel so fei4 wu4 moping around at home...ahh well perhaps i shd go to the sch lib one of these days, and when i see all the rj pple mugging like mad i'll prob feel stressed and start mugging a bit too...haiz...haha sorry for that rant...i know bin has some guitar camp, deb is at some sec sch camp with *AHEM* haha! and steph is at that camp too...and kwa u still having milo cup? and i noe oeh's been mugging hard AND RUNNING A LOT TOO coz she's gonna take 2.4km again!! haha ahhhhhhh i really feel VERY USELESS OMG...ok ok MUST MUST MUST MUST STUDY!! argghh...or else i'll get that same feeling after every long holiday, that i didn't put my time to good use, and didn't achieve anything academically or socially or whatever...

haiz...oh and in the midst of everyone's mugging and busy activities, do u all fancy a day out at the beach or sth? so we can all get nice tans (haha ya like real) or just sit there and relax and talk...but if u all really really hard-pressed for time then its ok la...haha and i just realised there's a school holiday on 3 july (the week after cts) though not for oeh coz u still have a paper the following tue rite! how bout kwa? haaha haiyo...anyway enjoy and rest as much as u all can, coz this is our LAST hol before the long haul and final push for our end-of-yr exams!!!

hope u all didn't die of boredom reading this entry :)

as always,
tyz-

empty words

2006-06-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

harlow everybody! sorry i'm gonna start complaining here again!
i'm irritated, disappointed, angry.. i dunno wad else.. had comp today, 2nd of e 4 games in e preliminary round. we lost e first one, basically meaning that we can't afford to lose anymore if we wanna go to e next round.. we won today, so i shld b happy.. but i think i can selfishly say for now that i really may not mind if we don't get into e next round. it'll save me a lot of time which i can spend wif frens or mugging, a lot of mental strength that i'm def in need of to concentrate whenever i do study..
well, i think nothing upset me more today then e fact dat i didn't get to play.. usually i wouldn't have minded, after all, u shld all know i'm kind of used to dat situation after nationals. but i thot things wld be different here, e team isn't so "star-player"-based here.. mayb it was some sort of punishment for e mistakes i made in e previous game, stupid things like letting e ball slip thru my fingers once, seriously, i didn't ask for sweaty hands.. ok, but dat's besides e problem. so i told myself, e whole of today, even while trying really hard to concentrate on studying during e afternoon, that today, i won't screw up, i'll contribute to e score, i'll prove wateva little i may stand for. but u didn't even give me a freaking chance. on top of that, i rmbered u said before e start of season that "we have to have discipline cos we're under a uniform organization, so if anyone is late, no matter how impt e match is, even if u're e star player, u won't get to play that match." at first, i was impressed, i thot it was hard for a coach expected to produce results to say something so morally correct, so justified, something so hard to put into actions. but i'm no longer impressed, they were merely i string of words. so anyway i made an effort to be on time, others were late, u let em play. seriously, i'm fine wif that, i'm happy that the late pple got to play, i'm not selfish and sadistic to dat extent, to wish to c pple being punished. but for e effort i put in, u didn't even let me play 1 sec, not even when we're leading, not even 1 sec in e last quater when i couldn't have done that much harm.
and as i was saying, it's not dat not being able to play is something new to me. but it's really e context. i wanted to make sure this whole comp wasn't going to b a waste of my time, so when u were asking us to sign up, i conveniently made an excuse, saying i may be at camp during some duration of e comp, and that mayb shld give e place to someone who cld commit more. mayb i was playing hard-to-get, but i needed some assurance too that i won't just be some bench warmer. so u replied "no. i want u to be in, k?" trust me, dat msg is still in my old hp, to motivate me to go for 3 times a week training.. but now i really don't see e point. i don't really think u meant it in e first place, it was just sweet talk. so now, i feel like a fool, to have wasted my time going down today, for rushing like mad to get to training even when there was only 20 min left yesterday cos SAT ended late. give me a reason to turn up for training tmr nite!
i was attitude after e match, walked off without saying a word after debrief, just felt like being rebelious.
i'm way behind time for strating work tonite, but just wanted to get this out of my head.. hopefully i'll b able to concentrate on wat i'm reading later. thanks for putting up wif this nonsense.
charl

2006-06-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

okie so i am next according to deb! basically, my hols are rather boringg now... i been at hm for the past 3 days... but i quite enjoy cox i haven't been at hm for such a long time already... did some mugging but i am not sure if i am being productive cox i think i take lotsa breaks in btw... haha... and i always tend to nap after lunch... it's a bad habit which i shld get rid of! but am not sure how... i figure mayb i shld push back my lunch time... and try to distract myself frm my bed... lol... but next week i will be quite busy... with guitar camp on mon & tues (i am trying to pon the one on tues since they say it's free & easy) and helping out at a kids fiesta camp (wed to fri)! though i am looking forward more to guitar camp... yeah so nth much is happening during the hols yet except that i have suffering frm serious addiction to this channel U korean show... called Stained Glass... it's so bad i wake up everday looking forward to 6pm cox it's the showtime... haha... i feel so stupid being hooked on tv show... mus rid myself of this addiction soon! hopefully, it will wear off soon... and coming to think of it, first week of hols is almost gone...

oh ya... i 've been pondering about the future... and yeah i think it's scary just to think about it... so i shan't burden myself thinking of such stuff though sometimes, i am really curious how things will be like say ten years down the road...

ummmm...

everyone, enjoy ur hols!

love,
*bin

2006-06-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

kwa, in case u were wondering how come there are suddenly so many entries, isnt it obvious its cos of ME??? HAHAHA...my presence just motivated everyone else to continue blogging!

oh nway i took the psychometric test on monday oredy..its damn demoralizing..seeing everyone else around you colouring like 150% the number of ur shaded ovals...and if they're gonna base my scholarship application on this test im gonna be the first one kicked out..i was firstly, clearly the slowest around so i had so many uncompleted questions, and secondly i was damn unsure of even the answers to the few completed questions which i spent so much time on! ahh the personality test was horrible too..i realized i dont really know myself that well after all..

in a sense, i think our character is evolving all the time, to fit the image we wish to see ourselves as..and this image is constantly changing as we mature, as our perceptions widen and our mindsets change..haha so personality tests are REDUNDANT!!!

and oh ya kwa i remember! very funny! i remember u said in sec 4 ur grandparents were like pushing forward ur dinner time! to like 530 or sth..haha then we were predicting the time will keep getting earlier and earlier..haha

and xiaogui...i was already MATURE and TALL in primary school! so there wont be a cute, small and innocent me running about! hahahaha nway my primary school very nice right....

and ur mummy a.k.a MY WIFE is very fun to talk to cos she gets amused so easily! haha enghui u should be more youthful and tickled like ur mummy! :D and not feel like burping (?!?) when u're laughing??? hahahha

okie next one to post is ong sai bin!

oh ya i wanted to ask..how come the features for this blog are more advanced ar..for my own blog right..firstly the time is totally off and i have to adjust it manually but its accurate here..and for my own blog i cant seem to have an option to change the font, word size or do other alignment and numbering stuff! how come???

first week of hols

2006-06-01T21:53:00.000+08:00

harlow everyone..
was so surprised to see so many entries recently, after this place became stagnant for so long. first week of hols almost gone, so super fast, and i haven't really got anything done. spent most of my days eating actually, amazingly... went for lunch wif my sis yesterday and wif my grandparents on tuesday, turning into an ultimate pig, indulging in food non-stop. but it's nice to go out wif my grandparents for lunch lah, tho they're always in this kan cheong state that lunch is progressively getting earlier.. like adam rd mee rebus at 10.30..lol. tried out e SAT paper yesterday, and realized dat e vocab is impossibly difficult, and no way i'm gonna cram that impossible word list into my head by saturday, so shall be resigned to taking it wif e limited vocab i have. went for e psychometric test today too, which was super long. for those who are going to take it, must do faster k.. esp e math, if not can't finish!.. unless i'm just slow..hmmm..
oeh.. u like e transition metals lecturer? his over-emphasized "sssss" sound into e microphone is irritatingly unbearable! ur class v crazy over him? my whole class can't stand e "ssss" thing and always make fun by imitating him.. quite mean lah, but it's painfully irritating..
i dunno wat i want to do next time too.. of course my parents wld like me to do medicine, tho i still v much have a choice, and my grandparents (both sides) wld luv me to do medicine, but i still dunno lah, nv had this passion for bio. and it seems like we all have to choose some sort of direction soon, esp it goin to try apply overseas.. tho think i'll stay here unless they don't have e course i wanna do here. i'm clueless..
anyway, i'm going to ecp tmr! not that i'm terribly excited bout it.. interact outing, and actually quite lazy to go, just that i have to redeem myself for missing so many interact activities. so just go lah, get some fresh air at e same time i guess..
anyway, shall stop narrating my boring life here, shld go get some work done..and i wanna watch overe hedge..haha.. kk..gtg.. bye!
charl

2006-06-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

BOOO!!! hahah i fulfilled my promise oredy k!!! haha and DEB DUN THINK YOU CAN INTIMIDATE ME JUST BY TYPING BLOCK LETTERS I OSO CAN!!!! MUAHAHA..

haha i dun mind watching Xmen too!! i have this really nice young chem lectirer whos totally obsessed with Xmen and in the past few lecutres he kept showing us trailers of it..at leasta good 10 minutes of spoilers! dunno where he gets from..i tink the whole LT is totally in love with him, as much as he is with Xmen (he was like rubbing his hands together and saying i can wait for it man!) haha well at least i have an inkling of wad it is abt now..some mutated species ravaging the earth and mankind wanting to "cure " them is it

hmm today i went aljunied industrial complez to collect hnf shirt..and it was my first time in an industrial buidling like that!!! my mum was joking that it looks like the perfect setting for murder cases..wad with the dank dark smelly corridors and old creaky lifts..and for some reason the social studies chapter on industrial devleopment kept popping to my mind..haha.this must be some low end indutrial building built in the labour intensive years of the 1960s. bleah. haha and i passed by debs pri sch on the way there!! as i stared at the building on the bridge i was trying to visualise a tiny deborah running abt the sch corridors.. HAHA

haiz its late and im typing softly in semidarkness besides my slping father. pardon me if theres bad spelling i cant really see wad im typing..bye bye and jiayou kwa for ur milo cup!!!

oeh

2006-05-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

oh nway, just to add, good luck kwa wif all ur bball trainings for ur milo cup! im sure PM kwa will be able to juggle ur studies and training well just like how u'll juggle ur politics and family in the future! hahahaha! ok dont kill me..

let's go watch xmen 3 together k... everyone says its good! so we shall be more hip for once and watch an ah lian movie! hahaha..

and rainbow was so naughty just now! she bit me while i was changing their water! argh..must send her for taming lessons!

debbooorrrraaahhhh

OH AND ONG ENG SIN I HEARD U WERE SUPPOSED TO BLOG!! HOW CAN U GO BACK ON UR WORDS?!??!?! WHAT IS THIS HUH. WHERE HAVE ALL YOUR MORALS GONE TOO?!?!?

WHERE!!?

2006-05-31T11:15:00.000+08:00

haha well over the hedge was not bad! and the racoon is RJ, not ARJAY! we thought it was arjay too..but when the acknowledgements came out at the end of the movie, it wrote RJ! so weird! and i suppose cartoon movies CAN be nice too, despite finding nemo leaving a bad impression on me...BUT i still wanna watch da vinci code!!! any takers??

some pics to share!

hmm and regarding views of pple's acceptance and liking...haha i suppose all of us would hope, in the ideal situation, for everyone to like us, and no one to hate us. aiyoh but all along i've not really cared what pple thought la, as in, even if they hate me (of course hopefully no one feels that way), i wouldn't be bothered leh...its good and bad in a sense, good as in you won't get affected, but bad as in, like wad ouou said, there could be an inherent flaw in you that makes the person feel so irksome towards you. BUT THEN AGAIN, if only one person feels that way, then it could just be the person's flaw on her/his part, right!

haha then i suppose the whole idea is just to take a very relaxed view on things around us! it's often easy to say and difficult to carry out, but we can usually control our mind...

and let me share some knowledge here!! (haha no, show-off in fact)..there's this philosopher person called Sigmund Freud, and basically he studies the mind and comes out with a lot of theories regarding what we do la...go google him!! it's quite interesting...erm, like he says desire and sex(!!) governs all of us in what we do, not in the erotic sense la, but the things we do is actually powered by the desire or sth like that...

aiyah ok i am not making much sense here...i'm v boreddd!!!

AND ONG ENG SIN!!! YOUR 10PM PROMISE!!!

as always,

-tyz-

my 2 cents worth...

2006-05-31T00:04:00.000+08:00

okie so i guess it's MY TURN now right? haha... yeah deb, the porcupines were really cute esp the babies one! and yeah HAMMIE is the next cutest in terms of looks... but he's really wacky esp after he drank caffeine! haha... i know there's a nice movie coming up called SHE'S THE MAN!!! anyone wana watch? it's a trashy show but i guess it's good for unwinding... anyway, i went to sch for past two days... shall really get down to massive mugging soon!!!

yeah so as deb was saying about people and opinions... i was esp troubled in sec 1 / 2 by this problem i guess... i wanted everyone to like me so much so i became a lil over-sensitive... for everything i do, i was so cautious that i wld ask myself wld i b offending anyone or sth liddat... i mean it's good to be considerate but not to the extent of so mindful... yeah then my mum told me that we can't always expect everyone to like us... (okie i m not sure if i am addressing wat deb wrote but i guess it's more of a what i hav gone through kind of thing) eventually, i learnt to let go... and emphasised wat others think of us... yeah i guess in some way, the world is superficial! cox as deb says, we are made up of wat people think of us instead of who we really are deep inside... only fated people will know you well enough and understand you... bottomline, my stand is that as long as we feel comfortable with ourselves and with the support of our loved ones, that's sufficient... and to make us feel better, we shld jus obliterate the negativity...

yeah that's more or less what i wan to say... hmmmmm yesterday as in 29 may was my mum's birthday! but there wasn't really any celebration... i guess our family don really give any significance to birthdays though i always emphasise mine and my sis will take note of hers too! we only eat mian xian with eggs on our (including my mum's and dad's) chinese bdaes every year... is my family very traditional? i think so... haha...

anyway, JIAYOU to everyone! START MUGGING NOW so that WE WON't REGRET LATER!!! ( i am just trying to motivate myself) haha... GO GO GO!!! jiayou kwa for your milo CUP!!!!! :)

love,
*bin :)

2006-05-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

muahaha the founder of this blog is finally here to post her LONG-AWAITED entry!! :D

hmmm nothing much to write about actually since we meet up pretty often already..ahh im stuck already..just felt like posting sth! haha..dont really feel like talking about school cos it'll link to unhappy stuff and im not supposed to think about unhappy stuff anymore!

i dunno if u call it maturity, but i think i've really matured a little..from all the stupid unhappy stuff..now im so much better at blocking out stuff that would have actually affected me for the whole day and perhaps days after..which is really really bad i must say..and now i look back and find myself actually stupid for letting myself get bothered to such extents by really really small stuff that no one else in the world would probably care about..i guess i care a lot about how others think of me..cos in a way it reflects who we really are, or at least what kind of person we are portraying to the rest of the world..so even though just one person may find this very negative aspect of me, it shows that i AM somewhat displaying this flaw..so i quite believe that it is people's opinions and impressions of us that make up who we are..it doesnt make a difference if we're actually someone else inside..cos in life what matters is what's on the outside, that people can see and interact with and form judgements on.

ok my point was..im not so affected by knowing that people do have negative opinions of me..or least if these people are not important in my life..i used to live by this theory, and maybe i still do, that i dont need everyone to like me, but i'll feel very bothered if someone actually dislikes me..and has something against me..cos it reflects something very repugnant about me in the first place..

ya but now im trying to follow my happy resolutions, of being happy! by not letting myself get affected, being more gracious and forgiving and thus not getting angry or irritated...and thus being a person with a character i can be proud of! and remind myself of my other blessings, which include YOU ALL, whenever im on the brink of getting affected! haha...i think its most depressing when u start to feel negative about urself..at least it works that way for me..

ok this is such a self-centred post but i dont care! i like to write about MYSELF cannot ar! hahahha...write more another time...must keep my entries focused u see! ok its getting unfocused already so i shall stop HERE.

BYE (oops!)

p.s: its my daddy's birthday today, so we splurged a bit and had buffet dinner at hotel phoenix hehe..and the dinner made me really happy cos i felt it was time well-spent! i think being wif our family just lifts our spirits in inexplicable ways..there's just this natural assurance and serenity about it..but i feel very bad..cos im always very rude...haizz must change must change!
p.p.s: hammie from over the hedge is cute! i dont really like the racoon though..that arjay or sth..i tot he was cute and wimpy at first..budden he became too manly and smart for my liking..the baby hedgehogs were sooo cute too! im gonna download pictures of them!
p.p.p.s: yin wei ai suo yi ai by nicholas tse is damn nice! i just downloaded it! and i looked at some of his pics and i still find him very shuai! AHH! i dont have bad taste ok.

okok enough! still a self-centred entry though..haha!

2006-05-29T13:20:00.000+08:00

eeks so mushy, wad wanna see us every day (in red words) somemore, oeh!! hahahaah

i know i'm supposed to start studying after giving myself a compulsory break for the past 2 days, but i can't bring myself to!! ahhh...haha ok shall go draw up my study plan after this...ya and to echo your thoughts oeh, my teachers (and parents too) have been emphasising how these few mths and the a levels cld essentially be the most important phase in our academic life...which is true la, like last time, we could do average-ly for psle or o levels and we cld always "pick ourselves up" after that and do well for the next major exam. but this time, there's no next time. and this determines our uni path, and later, our careers for the rest of our lives! oh dear i better stop instilling fear in everyone...hehe BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE PARENTS AND TEACHERS ALWAYS SAY BEFORE ANY MAJOR EXAM.

so we better be good girls and revise the tested topics for the coming common tests/block tests darn well so that we won't have much problem with these topics the next time we need to revise for prelims! haha BUT OF COURSE, we shouldn't keep studying with no play, and i suggest a day out at the beach or sth!! haaha if u all don't mind...to like sort of relax and RECHARGE which is really important for the next 1.5 terms ahead...hehe...

AIYAH WHY AM I BEING SUCH A WET BLANKET AND REMINDING EVERYONE OF STUPID EXAMS WHEN IT'S THE HOLIDAYS AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING ANYWAY

yes and speaking of spending time with your mum, i feel extremely guilty that i haven't been spending much time with my grandparents, especially so when i'm not all that busy to not be able to spare that few hrs a week with them too...then yesterday as i was at my grandma's house wrapping dumplings, i felt really bad...coz she only like slept a few hrs for the whole week to prepare the ingredients for the 200 plus dumplings we were going to wrap...then i was thinking she didn't have to go through all that trouble at all coz we could easily buy dumplings, but it was sort of a form of expression of love and tradition on her part to keep up with making them yr after yr la..and coz my sis and i may go australia aft the a levels to visit our aunt, my mum was asking my grandmother is she wanted to go with us too, to visit her daughter. and my grandmother said (rather nonchalantly in hokkien) "aiyah, december then say la, also dunno if i will be around in december", then i really felt very bad and sad la! aiya ok la shall not inundate u all with my weird musings liao...have enough rest k everyone, and jiayou kwa for your milo cup!!!

as always,
-tyz-

2006-05-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

WHERES EVERYONE??? this blog has been stagnant for super long..this place looks quite dead now..hahah bet deBRA is heartbroken..guess everyone has been pretty busy for the part few weeks though..hmm how was the miniparty at debs house?? my steamboat dinner was actually quite fun!:)anyway june hols are here..which means its mugging time..and though they arent exactly much holidays to speak of, im really quite thankful for them..our physics teacher was talking to us in our last tutorial (in one of those rare but much loved sessions where she doesnt do any work but just chitchats with us) and said that this june hols would be one of the last periods of time we would ever be able to do revision for the A levels at our own pace again..cos next term will be nth but a hellish period of endless revision, lessons that stretch till4 or 5 each day and piles of work..according to her it will be impossible to find our own time to do revision again..hmmm..the a levels are closer than they seem to be..its really kind of scary just thinking abt it and how the reality is drawing closer each day..and i cant help too thinking abt the future and wad i ought to do..i do noe in the 6 months of free time after As i wanna get a job of some kind..i dunno wad..teaching in a pri sch or giving tuition..or fulfilling my long held but nv fulfilled wish of becoming a guide at the ACM (asian civilisations museusm, in case u all are wondering) which i came so close to but didnt..or anything else of this nature that is meaningful, and can somewhat build up confidence n give me a greater sense of self worth..(may i not fail miserably anymore in anything else i try to do)..haha and in those 6 mths i wanna see u all every day!!! hahahaha...we ought to plan a list of activities to do!!! mmm and i wana pei my mum more too..shes always wistfully mentioning after every hols pass that she doesnt get to do so and so or go there and there with me..and she wants me to teach her piano!!! incredulous as it sounds considering how lan4 i am...but i guess it will be fun...
haiz think i should stop planning abt wad to do after the As la when they arent even here yet!!! haiz jiayou for all ur mugging!!!

love,
oeh

of sports and games

2006-05-20T02:47:00.000+08:00

kwa! actually i must say that you've done very well already...as in really...because how many people can join a cca, and a competitive sports cca for that matter, and yet represent the school and stuff...haha bet you are experiencing some very bad after-competition effects now...like i see some of my classmates in those competitive sports ccas...they'll be training their guts out throughout the yr...but once competition ends, it seems as though they no longer have the passion and energy for anything else...perhaps that's what makes sports so attractive, the effort, the sweat, the time, the injuries, the change in emotions, the desire to succeed...haha i cannot be compared to you at all, coz my wushu is really sports on a very low commitment level, and it's rarely a team effort too...but i do know that a team effort thing, the cohesion and stuff, is something that no other cca can bring about...hope you're feeling better anyway...perhaps your milo cup in june is like a way to sort of ease off all the energy that's been like invested in bball all this while la...like sort of a less important competition that's going to ease you off into the mugger modes we all have to switch to come term 3...

haha, yayy anyway will get to see all of you tmr (or in fact today) at bin's funfair...haha just realised i was sounding very formal in front but was just typing all that i felt...i'm sure bin felt a bit of the competitive sports feeling too when u were in softball...haha...but it's true la, like since after wushu comp, i can't get the energy to do things anymore because i don't like the idea of possibly not engaging in wushu anymore after 6 years of effort...and that's why i keep wanting to go back for more, to taste it in like smaller bits, and not forget the savoury feel of performing, competing, and basically wushu in all its facets....haha kwa do you feel that way too?

hmm and the term is ending...we only have a week left before hols...guess we could organise mass mugging sessions, though i'd suggest us doing math or practising questions and stuff during these sessions coz it's always not easy in trying to memorise content when studying in grps :S

haha ok la got headache liao....v v v v sleepy...it's nearly 3am! haha ok good nitez pple

and bin, ouou, oeh!! dun forget to update!!

as always,

-tyz-

expectations

2006-05-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

played 3rd and 4th play offs today. everyone was in this kind of high mood, knowing that e opponent was quite an easy one.. i guess i wasn't very high, i knew i'd miss e way things were, e routine wed and sat ccas.. dunno y i didn't feel this way so much for guides last time. mayb cos bball has been tonnes of ups and downs for me. from 1yr ago not knowing whether we'd continue, to injuring my leg, to trying to perform at training, to learning how to play a new position and everything else... e match today was kind of unexpected to.. e way we let nyjc narrow e score to just a difference of 3 pts cos everyone just thot we'd take it easy today. luckily we managed to pull away and win. glad coach let me play a while today, think she intended to let everyone play a bit of e last match but we cldn't create a safe margin early enuf to allow that. i told myself yesterday nite that given e little playing time i get, i'd sieze e opportunity and play well during wateva little time i was given. but despite wanting to defend well, make gd passes etc, i made a few mistakes which made coach substitute me.. felt bad knowing she trusted me enuf to give me e chance, and that i wasted it like that. i know full well they were mistakes.. so was kind of disappointed with myself. started thinking mayb learning e game at jc is really too late, experience counts for too much. i've got another less serious season coming up in june.. milo cup.. i wonder if it's really worth all e time i spend going down for training. i've got to convince myself that i've tried my best, that i love e game that's y i'm playing, it's hard to do so everytime u put pressure on yourself to do well and fail to do so..
a new season begins tmr, mugging season. bball in jc was memorable. thanks to all my classmates who gave me tonnes of support during my season, those who came to support, those who smsed, really appreciated it. thanks to u gals too for e encouragement for e matches to come everytime we meet up.
just needed somewhere to complain. i'm fine.. got to get down to doing this gp compre i've put off for ages.
luv u guys.
charl

--

2006-05-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

too lazy to think of a title.. ultimate laziness.. supposed to b doing hw, cos i've really piled up a ton of hw with all e competitions. sch was super generous and let us off at 9am to rest and eat till 11.30am before taking e coach to e competition venue for a match at 1. not that i mind, it feels gd to b slacking off sch, but after this has been the way for bout twice a week for a month, e sch rhythm and routine seems to be all off and as a result, haven't been in a mood for hw for bout 1 month. there was e excitement, anxiety of looking forward to e next match, it was distracting, but it didn't seem to matter.. the hope of an unexpected outcome was enuf to sustain me, and prob e whole team too. lost e semis on monday to vj. we didn't play as perfectly as we had hoped to, but vj had more stamina, they had more pple to substitute, they won by a fair margin, i guess they deserved it. think our mistake was in e quarterfinals, losing to rj, but i won't doubt dat my team mates gave their best nonetheless. proud of em. oh well, 3rd and 4th play-offs are tmr, after dat season wld have ended.
no doubt there's a feeling of nostalgia thinking that a normal, saturday training was actually our last training.. but also glad that life will be getting back to a more normal routine. back to studying and catching up wif hw if i can get back in e mood for it. ok, it's not really a choice, i have to. looking back, i guess e team has come a long way, from e possibility of being disbanded after last yr's season due to lack of pple..
ying.. i got no training this sat, both morn and evening, so can prob go down to e funfair for a while. usually morn better right? will u be busy running a stall or smthing? when will b a good time for u? let me know k.. and we can go for dinner together before dance nite too. think it shld be gd, tickets are sold out already.
deb and ouou, how was chalet? fun?hope to c u guys soon, meet up, go for fun fair if u have time to spare? if not jia you wif e studying..
mid week already, keep goin for e rest of e week everyone!
luv, charl

hello

2006-05-12T17:05:00.000+08:00

hello everyone..im finally blogging again!! din come online just yesterday and was shocked to see the sudden increase in the number of posts..haha stupid me struggled to log in for a full minute just now until i realised that i had signed in as "iwannaseeueveryday" instead of "iwannaseeyoueveryday"..hmm anyway deb and tyz will be at the chalet now..hope u are enjoying urselves!! and that its not pouring there as it is now here..

to bin: its good to have a mind of ur own!!! dun be blind followers like them..its ridiculous that everyone has to do the same thing and follow each other even for sth as simple as lunch..i dun have much zi ge to say this, i noe, but all i want to say is this: having to follow and stick to certain things just becos others do so is suffocatingly painful..esp if its against ur will..i am guilty of some of things u speak of: of not daring to speak up at the right time, or breaking away frm the norm etc..and i hate myself for being so cowardly sometimes..i wanna change, but i dun noe how..there a re times when i desperately seek some kind of personality change..someone once told me abt this woman who so badly wanted to change herself that she checked herself each time she did or spoke sth and made a concsious effort to do the direct opposite..and many many long and painful years later, she became a completely different person!! it was one of the most incredulous stories ive ever heard, but my fren claimed its true..still, i dun think its possible and i dun think i should try going against my instincts or anything like that..i guess now its abt how to make the best of my life with wad ive been given..instead of hoping to me one of the many many pple i admire..(but how do i make the best out of anything when it seems ive nth to begin with?)

haiz anyway ive been slacking my whole precious holiday away again doing silly stuff..like just now i suddenly reached down to my bed drawer and spontaneously pulled out a few of those children's books i had loved reading when i was young...think i whiled away a good 2 hours or so reading them..i dun noe why but i seem to find pleasure regressing into the past..there is sth so comforting and fascinating abt those books and their idealistic storylines where the big bad bullies get their just deserts and the good kindhearted ppl ultimately truimph..and where everything is divided distictly into black and white, right and wrong ,good and bad..like this story abt this weird gnome called pink whistle who goes around "putting things right" and helping all the good kind hearted children defeat all the nasty mean bullies..even in another series of books abt boarding sch life (st clares by enid blython) supposedly for a little more mature readers it is the same..the sch miraculously is dominated by "good girls" who are largely kind and truthful and funny and nice while there will be a few bag eggs who are spiteful or boastful or mean who will become outcasts..and at the end of the story they will inevitably be 1)expelled 2) get a rude shock 3)reform..im not mocking the books..i love them..but how amamingly unrealistic they are!! if only the world was like that; if pple can all be so simply classified as good and bad..cant rmb where i heard this but i couldnt get it out of my mind when i heard it: "beside a heart of evil can reside a heart of compassion" or sth like that..and i think its so true..ive met some ppl who are so frightenly complex..who can seem so good and yet do bad..i really really do wonder how they feel deep down; if they ever have a nagging conscience or if they do feel what they do or say..im perplexed by myself too..finding it hard to understand the weird negative emotions of anger or indifference i feel at times..finding it hard to understand who the real me is..

ahh. im rambling and crapping. but my mood is odd these days, like a sin x curve, as i said before..swinging btw periods of sudden bursts of optimism and periods of fear and depression..and periods where i feel complete numbness..perhaps the most frightening of all.

i miss u all terribly..

hope u all have a great wkend:)

oeh.

lost and found...

2006-05-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

ello everyone!!! am so glad that there are so many new responses... i am kinda bored now... haha... and i m home alone with my sis now... it's so conincidental that tyz and my parents are away ard the same time though her parents are returning earlier... haha and yeah my relatives like my god mother and aunt are calling my handphone to check on me... i feel so cared for even though my parents are not with me... so yeah i am very touched! anyway, i think these 10 days are good training for me to be independent... it's time i learnt how to get used to being alone with myself... and doing stuff myself instead of always relying on people esp my mum to get things done like breakfast and dinner... at least i will know how it wld b like if i grow up... i always used to think that i will buy a hse and leave all by myself even before marriage... and mayb with a close friends (u all)... haha... cox hk serials always illustrate these scenarios... but it's just a cool thing i thought i wld do at that point in time when i grow up! sorry if i am digressing...

heats was a superb experience though i didn't perform fantastically well! still, i treasure this (to me) once in a life-time opportunity to run with my classmates and for my class...

i came hm at ard 10 cox went for my sch's concert... yeah i think it's really reflects very badly on someone who stood the other party up! it's so irresponsible! i wld definitely be very angry esp since the reason she gave was rather lousy and unconvincing from my point of view... but it's no use getting angry at her... cox i think she wldn't even care in the first place since she decided to forgo the concert... yeah so jus don care bout her already! i am just glad that my jc friends are rather trustworthy... though i think there's sth bout them which i really dislike... they are timid as in they do not dare to voice their opinions openly and it's irritating at times... i jus lose my patience with them (i get impatient that's all)! though i feel guilty thereafter... perhaps it's their character and the environment which they have been immersed in... it's like they have doubts but they are afraid of asking the teachers... and they like to do things together... like wat everyone does is standardised... e.g no 1 else will eat other stuff for lunch if they decide on a particular dish... i get quite pissed at them! no one breaks free... and i am tired of sticking to them at times! cox i have my own ideas and preferences... i dunno... mayb it's only me... but i know i shld just do what i want without bothering about them too much cox ultimately it's my life and i hav the right to do wat i want with it! and yeah we don really share common interests... so sometimes i don really hav much stuff to talk to them about... it's mostly mundane everyday stuff... last time i was really unhappy cox i cldn't accept them... i just feel that they are not the kind of friends i wld want... (sorry for being mean here) but i guess gradually, i've gotten used to the way of life... with them around... though i agree with deb, i sometimes very much prefer to be alone and yet, at the same time worry if i look weird to others if i am alone and not with any friends... (i noe i shldn't care too much bout the way how others [esp people whom i dunno] view me but i can't help it at times...) though i am slowly forcing myself to spend time alone with myself or rather people who share my common interests and concerns despite being in diff classes (my gp mates and one interact friend)... sometimes, i wished that i was in their class cox they are all in the same class but at the same time, i tell myself to stop thinking about such impossible stuff cox it will only make me feel worse... but yeahh time is really the best medicine! it makes me feel indifferent and immune... overall, they are nice people but with some flaws here and there...

nevertheless, am utmost grateful that u all are there for me! as the blog title suggests... u all are my best friends for life! :)

another point is that i dunno why... but i jus can't help but find myself becoming increasingly selfish esp this year... i don offer my help as readily because i am afraid... not exactly sure what i am worried about... but jus this feeling of uneasiness but then again, i feel guilty for not helping... ultimate irony issn't it? and i jus block out as much of that guilt as possible by finding excuses for myself... i am not sure if that's the correct way i shld do it... similar to tyz's predicament , things i do are becoming more and more solely for myself... i only care about what happens to me... simply put, i can't b bothered about others these days! i find this very worrying cox i definitely don wan to grow up being such a person but i feel that with every passing day, i am... is this what growing up at this detached place called jc does to u? i dunno and i am not sure when i can find these answers that i need... i really wished that at this point in time, things were as simple as they used to be and i was the same old si ying i felt i was...

okie my eyes are closing and i shld b going off to bed... this is a LONG entry! how do we change the font? hehe... there used to be this heading availabe at the posting page where we can change the font freely right?

to deb and pee budd: enjoy ur chalet! :)
to oeh and kwa: enjoy ur weekend! :)

oh ya... one more thing, will u all be free to come to my sch's funtasia (funfair) on 20 may (sat) frm 10.30am - 5pm... it's free and easy jus pop in anytime... though i will b in sch early to prepare for college day concert... it's in the morning this year... then yeah kwa's going for hc dance concert at night... so mayb we can all go together... cox oeh and i don mind going for the concert... but i know deb and tyz having their gp common test on the next coming wed (really soon) so it mite not be such a feasible idea... anyway, jus respond on the tagboard or sth k! any response is fine... cya guys soon! :)

love love,
*bin

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. ~ Charles Spurgeon

2006-05-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

haha in line with all the nice quotes and stuff...anyway i muz thank everyone for their concern ytd though it's really nothing big...haha but it made me realise how transitory and temporary pple can be la...like i believe none of u wld have backed out of a concert we are supposed to attend together, coz it's more of a responsibility and care that we have for one another :)

and dismal as it sounds, i can't help but feel that a lot of pple are making use of one another as a stepping stone and actually secretly dislike others (ok this is a little extreme)... :( and it's even more so in jc, since everyone is preoccupied with their own busy lives and don't have time or don't even care abt stuff such as friendships (except their boy-girl relationships) la...like everyone (and me included) seemingly becomes more self-centred, and everything is about ME, MINE and MYSELF, nothing about YOU YOURS and all that...hehe or is it juz rj? or maybe juz a pessimistic perception of mine...

yupz and i was talking (gossiping) to chua in the lib too, and we agreed that we are all more hardened now, and very jaded and indifferent towards jc life...like there's no form of attachment for pple and the sch...haha

waa sleeeepy...ahh i really wanna have a dinner soon!! when do u all propose! sorry i can't go out this week coz of the curfew thingy we have to self-exercise (omg it's like almost every uncle and aunty are calling to make sure we are safe and stuff..which is really nice of them tho..)

hehe i sort of feel a sort of gloominess hanging around everyone...but a lot of times, happiness, or unhappiness for the matter, are defined by our own minds and how we perceive it to be!! so we shd try to think positive!!

HAHA YA LA EVERYONE NOES THAT, IT'S HOW TO PUT IT INTO ACTION...

and ouou i was the one who taught u the 'post and comment options' thing one!! HUMPH!!!

happy long weekend y'all!! =)

as always,

-tyz-

The gift of true friendship is that it takes us by the hand and reminds us we are not alone in the journey

2006-05-11T11:44:00.000+08:00

hehe yay im so happy to see MY blog being actively used! haha then ouou will say im trying to take credit again..she's just jealous cant all of you see???? muahahaha

oh nway, bout technical stuff, to let your entries be in the correct chronological order i.e. the latest entry on top, u all have to adjust the time! like when u're posting, there's a 'Post and Comment Options' at the bottom left corner of the box..click it and set the time and date accordingly!!

okie i've never really experimented wif fonts and colours and stuff before..shall use a nice font for my entry! i know each of us shall settle on a font, so each post by us will be unique! hehe okiee hmmm i shall choose...

Georgia! though i dunno how it'll look cos the font's still the same as im typing now haha..

hmmm...just felt like posting...sumhow it makes me feel connected wif u all..even though i dont get an instant response..haha..

nway to kwa and ouou, i've never really experienced this before..but i still felt quite angry and sad for ouou too..i think it'd have spoilt my whole mood for the rest of the day if i was in ouou's shoes..but i guess, i wont hafta face such problems! cos i think for all the concerts i went to, its all wif u all! haha..so nobody will back out on me..

and i agree wif u kwa, in jc, sumhow nothing's ever confirmed, fixed and reliant..i've learnt to be much more independent too..like i dont mind, or even want to sometimes, being alone..its kinda the safest situation to be in..just you and yourself..no need to put up a front or make the effort to maintain conversations when u're simply not in the mood to..cos when u're moody u dont feel like talking, and when u're with people, people who are not ready and willing to hang out wif a moody you, it just puts those around you off..and they rather hang out wif someone else who's more cheery cos it gives them an easier time, than to stick around you, even to do just nothing, just to make sure u're feeling alright..i guess i haven found any new friends like this in jc..so im really really thankful for u all..and i mean it!

anyway, this week im feeling better! i guess since the incident last friday where my attempt to talk failed and hurt me terribly, it kinda convinced me to just let go, move on and really put the friendship behind me..the more i observe the way i behave now, the more i find it similar to how she behaves..and its just funny how much longer i took than her to reach this indifferent stage..so i guess she gave up so much earlier than me..which further reinforces what i should feel now..

its just a weird week..haha maybe i was too used to feeling depressed..now when i feel indifferent i sumhow fee less human?? just like the saying goes, sorrow makes you human...but i guess too much sorrow makes me go crazy too..and what's the point too?? just feel that school is getting monotonous..but perhaps this tells me im not focusing on all the right things in my life after all..its really the simple stuff that i should focus on..like being able to eat dinner wif my parents and watch tv wif them every night..and even doing homework! which i've been neglecting for very long..i keep telling myself to follow these simple yet important principles in life, yet once i get plagued by just one problem, it seems to cloud my vision of everything else and i choose to focus on the problem instead..

nway went to the library wif ouou and charlene chua today..i think the colour of the place we were sitting at was very nice! like orangey yellow...cos the sun was streaming in! :D then that familiarity wif the both of you..so relaxed, peaceful and secure..

oh kwa! the title of your first entry is from that Life is a Gift book u gave me right! hehe okie i shall quote the quote they put for this week! it says...HAHA.. BLESSED ARE THOSE OF US WHOSE LIVES ARE TOUCHED BY PEOPLE WHO CARE! ok i see kwa is at the same week as me! hahaha ok that was even more stupid..who isnt?! nway kwa, i've been diligently logging my everyday happenings in the book! but sometimes got backlog..like today's thursday and i haven written since monday! so i guess gotta write later! haha

odac chalet tmr..guess its gonna be quite fun..got overnight cycling and all..hope i wont feel antosocial and left out! ouou better not abandon me!

bin's and ouou's parents have gone abroad for honeymoons! so they're learning to be more independent at home now..haha ok that was so random..as u can see im just writing anything that comes to my mind..maybe i should stop here..and save you all from more ranting and nonsense! haha...

love u guys sooo much,
deb

2006-05-11T11:42:00.000+08:00

heyzzz haha i am gonna abuse this platform to complain...ok i have simmered down a little le la..

so juz now in the aftnoon oeh and i went to deb's hse...then i left at ard 5 plus coz i was supposed to attend harmoc concert with she-whom-shall-not-be-named...i was on my way to j8 coz we were supposed to have dinner together first....then i got the sms: "hey sorry but i stained my skirt so i'm going home to change first..remember to get flowers k?" (or sth along tt line)..so i was slightly disappointed coz i had to have dinner alone...but din really mind...then opened my wallet and i only had a grand total of 4 dollars in notes and a dollar or two worth of coins...so i decided to forego dinner to buy flowers for manyan...and spent the four dollars...and used 1 buck to buy a kaya pastry from delifrance for dinner.....

so i walked back to rj...and it looked weird tt i was walking the reverse direction as everyone else who were going home...but nvm...then i reached the canteen at 7pm (the concert starts at 7.30pm)....and was sitting there feeling quite loser sitting all alone...and lo and behold, at 7.10pm i got an sms from her that her mum refused to let her go out and tt she was very sorry...so wad was i supposed to do! naturally i got v pissed, coz i went thru all the trouble to get flowers, forego dinner, walk back to rj, wait for her and this was the answer i got....i was thus contemplating attending the concert alone or juz going backstage to look for manyan to pass her the flowers...but i got so dejected tt i decided to leave....but then i saw one of my frens and she needed flowers too, so i sold my flowers and surprisingly ticket to her fren too, albeit at a lower price la..but was feeling better then...

and now i'm feeling bad for manyan coz she msged me at ard 8 (supposedly her intermission): "hey hey are u all there? C:" and i totally din noe how to reply her...and so msged her a 3-sms worth of msg explaining...but i'll totally accept it if she's angry coz i noe its all our fault...haiz...

ok i'm feeling much much better now...after all this ranting....thanks for being so concerned everyone... :)

haha and bin not bad for ur heats today...i wanna drink soya bean too!

as always,
-tyz-

my wednesday..

2006-05-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

hello!
holiday mood.. got lousy sports day tmr.. desperately feel like ponning, but sch outsmarted us, said they won't accept parents letter tmr.. bleah.. shall go get a chao-ta tan and stone and be anti and read.. seriously, i'd appreciate a late morning at home.. oh well, at least no lessons.
finished sch at 12, nice early day, but had nothing to do till 3, so went to play, or more like try to play, pingpong. but was so noob at it that i think everyone i played wif got pretty bored. cos i told em cannot bully me and do some funny spin thing, so e ball was just goin to and fro in e most monotonous manner.. then 1 classmate tried to teach me to be more pro.. it was quite enlightening, tho i still dun quite noe how to play. then took a nap at class bench cos everybody went off for cca already, and then went for this compulsory for physics s spintronics talk. and since i'm one of e few who for dunno wad reason chose to take physics s in class, ended up going alone, cos e other had cca.. but no dif if i had a fren to go anyway, cos i slept thru most of it. not that it was boring, but was just too quite and cool it e lt. managed to catch e intro and conclusion tho. for those who are interested, my summary is that spintronics is something bout electrons spinning and it holding a lot of future in terms of making all gadgets we have even smaller.. lol. then went for training, where we had a super long debrief on mon's match.. shall just try our best for e next one! doubt i'll be playing but i'll cheer hard :)
ouou, noe exactly how u feel, cos it's happened to me quite a few times too.. and each time i feel so cheated and somehow think that pple in jc are somehow not so reliable, tho they may have 50% of an excuse.. that's y i quite scared to buy sch concert tickets now.. class outing always turn out that i muz beg some pple come wif me cos they irritatingly dun feel like going on e day itself.. sigh.. dat's y everytime i tell myself must be more self reliant, cos most of e time these concerts i actually not dat interested one, then only go cos thot my frens were going.. learnt that i must learn to make decisions independent of others cos if not end up disappointed in e end.. it's bugged me quite a few times before, just that didn't have this place to complain before..lol.. sorry for putting u guys through all this complaining..
looking forward to e long weekend. deb and ouou, enjoy ur chalet!
gd nite, dirty stinky me needs to bathe le..
luv, charl

2006-05-10T12:21:00.000+08:00

hey my babesss!! haha omg that sounded so bimboticc....wa had a really bad night last night pia-ing grossly overdue assignments...hahaha BUT NOW I SHALL RELAX A WHILE!!! anywayzz ahh kwa i was asking my class councillors how was the basketball match and they were saying that it was a really close fight and everything and rj only like started winning at the end...then i was like oh dear, which means hc lost...but its ok la, next match vj? are they strong? just thrash them k!! kwa sure can do it one! are u playing the next match?

and waa bin u have heats tmr? haha ya juz take part for the fun of it la!! trackers and stuff are like unbeatable anyway...so might as well juz go there have funnn.....haha all of ur lives are very packed and fulfilling now huh!

argghhh but deb and i have odac chalet this long weekend!! which means there's perpetually no chance for us all to meet up!! unless sun? haiyoooo

haha I ALSO CAN SET UP BLOG TOO WAD!!! praise ouou so much for wad!! hahahahaaaa

oh dearrr very sleeeepppppyyyy....ahhh i wanna meet up for dinnnerrr

haha ok i noe i am really crappy...but this is a mandatory first post from me!!! i will post a looonger one next time!!

haha applying my newly-learnt skill of changing text colour!! we shd take pics!! then i will post them up tooo!!

as always

-tyz-

to all whom it may concern (my darlings)...

2006-05-10T06:30:00.000+08:00

haha yeah!!! i am the up next! and the very first person to bloggggggg on tuesday... anyway, today sch was sian as usual... but GP was interesting cox of my teacher! i really like her alot... haha... she's jus inspires and perks me up! well, erm that's so random... yeah tmr's there this 4 X100 m class relay heats going on... i kind of wan to run (do my part for the class) and at the same time, don feel like running (cox i noe i will kinda get thrashed by the trackers and others)... haha... i realise i shldn't care so much abt the outcome ... shld focus more on the process... and since i am running for my class, i shld be proud of myself! okie... jus wish me luck! i'll jus consider it as an experience... on monday, i tried out 100m... and while i was running, it feels as if i was crawling though... the track seemed to be never ending... haha... wonder how i completed my 2.4km...

yeah so this week is a short week cox of nice hol on friday! YAY! :) hope to cya all soon!

logging off to take a bathe and hav my lunch... my stomach's growling...

thanks deb for taking the initiative and effort in setting up this nice blog for us to rant! :)

*bin

we're back!

2006-05-09T13:03:00.000+08:00

hey...
as usual, proactive me has set up yet another blog..all the result of MY OWN initiative...
shouldnt all of you learn from me??

nway i missed having the clique blog to look forward to read each time i come online..that's why i set up this one! and obviously, people have mixed reactions towards my intricately chosen blog title..and username..xiaogui was impressed (as usual) by my "haha so cute!!!!" name, while bin (being the ACTING nonchalant pig that she always is) was jealous of my better name-choosing skills than hers (she could only think of the so very cliched THEAWESOMEFIVE), and said in protest, "lol so mushy!".

WA LAO YOU GOT PROBLEM ISSIT!

haha ok sorry im going a bit mad here..my mood's been weird lately..guess u all know why..but im really glad i still have friends in u all..it really really makes my day, trust me. everytime i see u all, i hope we'll never have to go home, or that we could simply meet up everyday! haiz..i keep wanting it to be possible...are u all free enough? i really need u guys... haiss

ok shant spoil our first entry wif sad-sounding stuff..must blog more often k....
ONG ENG SIN YOU'RE NEXT! BETTER POST BY TONIGHT!
oh ya remember to sign off! cos we're all using the same username..

love ya loads,
deb :)

~blessed are those of us whose lives are touched by people who care~

2006-05-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

helloz!
muz thank deb for her usual initiative-full self in creating this blog.. i'll def try to post often too.. then we can all keep in contact easily and just blabber on but wat's happening in sch and stuff.. but of course muz still meet up! cos seeing u guys and talking bout anything and everything on my mind wif pple who understand and care to listen always takes loads off my mind.. and even tho everyone is in dif classes and do not exactly know who these classmates, cca-mates, events i'm talking about really are, u guys still listen! one of e few things from sec sch which is still continuous!

this week feels like holiday week. no sch tmr, sports day on thurs (can pon or not? rumoured that it's optional for j2s?) and public hol on fri.. so no mood to really get any work done at e moment. e team played match against rj.. didn't get to play cos we couldn't pull e score apart by a large enuf margin to substitute e main players, but was happy just cheering for e team. were leading by quite a bit in e first half but e score was evened out at 6 min left and eventaully rj won. dat means prob meeting vj in e semis.. but dat's not e only thing.. really touched 2 of my classmates went thru lots of trouble to be excused from 4 hrs of tutorials to come down support e team.. it was quite tough trying to get our ct to let em off. they had to hand in a tut that's quite ahead of time in exchange for going for e match.. so they rushed out e tutorials and really amazed me by turning up! considering how much negotiations they had to do, really grateful for all their effort in coming down, even tho they knew i'd prob not play.. went for home u training in e evening, which was ok i guess, tho i was somehow kinda tired by then, tho i didn't even play.. oh wells.. it was a mentally exhausting day. haha
shall stop all my blabbering.. to ouou, deb, siying and oeh, stay cheerful and c u gals soon!
luv charl

IM NEXT!!!!

2006-05-08T22:26:00.000+08:00

haha at the command of deborah, im NEXT in line to blog!! hmm actually ive nth much to say for now but i guess first and foremost must give deb credit for having such initiative and innovativeness and bu-yao-lianess for coming up with this blog, creating such an interesting address and thinking up of such an ahem unusal password respectively!!
haha since ive really nth very intelligent to say right now and i shall just explore some of the formatting functions they have here..

love

everyone

BIN

DEB

KWA

TYZ

OEH!!!

haha isnt my colour scheme nice!!!

haiz miss u all!! hope to see u all soon..

promise i'll contribute sth more substantial next time;)

oeh

the best friends for life

i wonder... can a caged bird truly be happy??

the ties that bind

the analytical mind

He Knows My Name

I have a MakerHe formed my heartBefore even time beganMy life was in his handsI have a FatherHe calls me His ownHe'll never leave meNo matter where I goHe knows my nameHe knows my every thoughtHe sees each tear that fallsAnd He hears me when I call

a little break

Blessed :)

random thoughts

-

searching for some direction

it's almost july

my "blind date"

an eye-opening week & a boring week

which path?

hello

more on 2007..

2007 so far..

new template!

to my dear friends...

current life...

a compromise

u are in my thoughts more often than u think u are...

empty words

first week of hols

my 2 cents worth...

of sports and games

expectations

--

hello

lost and found...

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. ~ Charles Spurgeon

The gift of true friendship is that it takes us by the hand and reminds us we are not alone in the journey

my wednesday..

to all whom it may concern (my darlings)...

we're back!

~blessed are those of us whose lives are touched by people who care~

IM NEXT!!!!

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call